A Christmas Shortcut

Merry Yule, Y'all!

One of my Christmas gifts is that Carl writes the annual family newsletter, so I don't have to. Grin when you think about him complaining that my blogs are too long. Be grateful for the gift! This is only a portion of his annual missive.

See ya next year!

Love and prayers,

Heidi

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Greetings to all from the halls of the Cutting-Schultz Cooperative Commune:

There have been many new things happening in our lives in the past year.

The first of these being the birth of our most marvelous grandson, Pierson. On the 15th of January we were truly blessed, and overjoyed with an easy and safe birth for both mother and son. It was an excellent way to start out the year...

... In the early part of January after talking a while, we decided that it would be a good idea, at least as far as Heidi and I are concerned, (I can’t speak for Lindsay and Scott), to give up our house and move in with Lindsay and Scott. We remodeled a basically unused formal dining room into a reasonably sized bedroom with a walk in closet right by the babies' bedrooms. Lindsay and Scott kindly gave up their master bedroom to us to take the bedroom by the babies. I believe that this arrangement works, and I thank God that we have two people like Lindsay and Scott in our lives. Without them we would be lesser persons.

Lindsay found that her new job was reasonable and the woman she works for has high regard for her and has given her more responsibilities and a raise. She also works periodically at a law firm, helping out when she can. Being a full time EVERYTHING keeps her busy, but she finds a way to do it all. In addition to all this she somehow found time here and there to work out and lose weight and get in exceptional shape. She look MARVELOUS.

Scott is Scott. You don’t realize just what that says. First of all, he is a great guy, he works hard, he is a devoted husband and father, truly adored by all of us. He is his babies hero, they truly love every minute he has to spend with them. This year he changed jobs to be able to spend more time with his family, while becoming store manager in the new job. He can get such responses of sheer joy out of his children, they both smile and laugh so well for their dad.

Then there is my girl, Phoebe. For some unseen reason she just loves her Poppa in a way I can’t explain. When I come home, she claims me for hers, what a rush. She is such a beautiful girl, but the most impressive thing is just how smart she is. She just seems to “get it”. It is hard to realize sometimes that she is only 2 1/2 yrs old. Some of the things she does, and more impressively thinks of and understands are far beyond her years. Her mother and father can take great pride in her, they have put in the time and love to create a wonderful little human being.

This brings us to “little man” as his Mama calls him. Pierson is such a joy to behold, he just loves life, and is one of the laughingest babies I have ever seen. He is strong and handsome (looking like his Poppa). He makes other people just feel better just by being around him. I have yet to see anyone that can walk past him and not stop and talk to him. Both he and his big sister are fearless which keeps us all on our toes, we fear a trip to the emergency room to get one of them patched up. Somehow they always seem to avoid pain and suffering, thank God for that. We just couldn’t stand to see them hurt. It will happen some day, but I pray that day is far in the future.

We next come to the love of my life, my Heidi. This year has had both ups and downs for her. She has had two places of employment that let her down, the first by not paying what she was owed in wages, the second by eliminating her job after assuring her they would make sure she was employed by them for the duration, then saying she was no longer needed. She had a two month period with no job which was distressing to her. Thankfully she has recently become employed, again with a law firm, and she is happy once again with her employment. The ups have been first being near her “babies”, they give her such joy, and then there is her weight loss. She has done wonderfully, losing in excess of 60 lbs and still going. Through a Christian radio station she got some encouragement as their “Biggest Loser”, getting some free gym time and a wonderful lady to give her time to Heidi as her personal trainer, free of charge for almost 5 months, giving her the basis for her success and a plan for further success. I believe this time is going to stick, she has found that exercising along with everything else works for her. Lindsay has given her a description that I won’t expand upon, yet needless to say, said description is quite flattering to her in its unique way. She, as I previously described Lindsay, looks MARVELOUS, and she hasn’t finished her journey yet. She writes a blog for the radio station at least once a week chronicling her journey, talks to them on the air periodically, our celebrity. At a recent concert for Christian artists “Casting Crowns”, by the way our favorites, she was brought up on stage and recognized for her accomplishment, to a standing ovation, no less. I am truly proud of my wife.

As for me, all is as it always is. I work 12 days and then go home for 2, then turn around and do it all again. I truly love our living arrangement, I not only get my time with Heidi, but also with Lindsay, Scott , Phoebe and Pierson. Jeremy is close by and so I get to see him and Brianna when she comes for his visitation. When not working my time is pretty well accounted for with my family and I wouldn’t have it any other way. At 56 I’m beginning to feel the effects of age physically, but I’ll never grow old in my head, it’s not in my makeup.

Jeremy is doing pretty well. He is working hard and doing his best to be a father that is involved in his daughter’s life. I am proud of the man he is becoming, he sometimes hits bumps in the road, but for the most part he does well. He has been on the job as an electrician for several years with the same company and is well liked there. Brianna is a wonderful girl, very smart and talented, busy with her cheerleading. We are very proud of her and relish each time we get to see her. I am glad Jeremy and her Mom are friendly, it gives us more chances to see her in good circumstances.

Beth is living in the Salt Lake City, Utah area with her partner, Andrea. She moved out there several years ago and has found she loves the area. She is working and contemplating going back to school as life allows. We love her and miss her, but she has her life to live. We talk when we can, but she is busy with her life, as are we. Heidi had the chance to go out and visit just after Christmas last year and said it’s beautiful...

...The last of our children, but not the least is our Allie. She is now 20 yrs. old. Where have all the years gone, all my children are now between 20 and 32, how scary a reminder of just how old I’m getting. Allie is a marvel, mostly up but sometimes down. She has one of the best work ethics I’ve ever seen. Even when she fears she has let herself down she is always looking for a way to fix it. She is doing well in school, nose to the grindstone and all that. The strangest thing for me to face is that for the first time ever, after this Christmas holiday, I will have gone a whole year and not seen my baby girl face to face. How quickly they grow and follow their next steps in life. Allie has a new “beau”. How funny they must look together, since she is 5’ 2” tall and he is scraping the clouds at a mere 6’ 5 or 6+”, something like that. This seems to be serious so far as I can tell. If it leads to something permanent, so be it, as long as happiness plays a major factor. I think it might be a bit harder to be intimidating when looking up at this guy. I was lucky that previous boyfriends thought I was scary, don’t think it’ll work this time...

...The last thing to say to all of you is that we love all of you and wish we had better chances to get together. I had hoped for a possible family reunion next 4th of July, but due to work regulations, planning something that far in advance over a holiday can’t happen. But again, please know that I will call those that I can get a hold of as often as possible. Even if you dread it, I still call, cause some of you don’t know how to dial a phone, or don’t want to. Ma always made it clear to me, especially after I moved to Florida, that communication with those you love shouldn’t be overlooked. You never know , especially at our ages, when you may lose that chance.

As I quote Richard Nixon, at least in part, “Let me make one thing perfectly clear!”, I Love All of You, and you are all often in my thoughts and prayers...

...Carl

Girlfriends

Goal #2 - Get to 185 lbs by 02/20/2010
10 weeks to go
Goal #2 Starting Weight: 206 lbs
Current Weight: 202 lbs.
Weight Loss This Week: -2 lbs
Total Goal 2 Weight Loss: -4 lbs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Starting Weight: 242 lbsTotal Weight Loss: -40 lbs

I love my girlfriends. I don't know what I'd do without them some days. Girlfriends are the sisters God lets us choose for ourselves.

There's a group of ladies I have started to get together with from time to time. We met at various functions through The Joy FM. Some of us have been featured on The Morning Cruise, some not. Some of us are writers, and some of us are professional protectors. Some of us are a little on the kooky side, and some of us are delightfully sane. Some of us are struggling financially. Some of us are battling addictions. Some of us have loving families, but some of us are struggling with certain important relationships within those units. Some of us have raised our children. Some of us are still doing that. Some of us are doing that without a partner. We are blondes, brunettes, and redheads, and some of us have forgotten what our original hair color was. Our eyes are brown, blue, hazel, and green.

We have met each other at concerts and at The Joy FM on The Morning Cruise. Some of us have never laid eyes on some of us! Some of us have a lot in common. Some of us have only a couple of things in common. Some of us are quite "talky" and some of us struggle to get a word in edgewise... ya'll know which group I fall into, don'cha?

The one thing that we all share without variation is our love of Christ. We're not all at the same place in our lives, since we are all different ages and backgrounds. None of us are perfect, of course, but we all know that Christ loves us perfectly. We have enough different from each other to keep us interested, and enough the same as each other to recognize ourselves in each other. We pray for each other, encourage each other, and inspire each other.

I know that I could call on any one of my Sisters in Christ with whatever dilemma I was having, and she would be on the run to help me in any way that she could. And the same goes for me - I'd do anything for them. We've gotten through some pretty rough patches in our lives just by listening to what one another have to say about the particular bugaboo that we're struggling with.

I encourage you to start a circle of friends that you can adopt for your own Family in Christ, whom you can be a support for, and who will support you as well. If you've been waiting for someone to approach you, don't wait any more. Maybe God is telling you through me that its time to get started!

New Goal!

Goal #2 - Get to 185 lbs by 02/20/2010

15 weeks to go

Goal #2 Starting Weight: 206 lbs

Current Weight: 204 lbs.

Weight Loss This Week: -2 lbs
Total Goal 2 Weight Loss: -2 lbs

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Total Weight Loss: -38 lbs

I wanted to get a new goal going for myself, since the Casting Crowns concert is now just a memory and a couple of pictures (and of course my post about how much of a goober I can be). So, my new goal is to get to 185 pounds by February 20, 2010, which happens to be the scheduled Mark Schultz concert in Lakeland.

I don't think that 21 pounds is a huge goal, but it is the next stepping stone, as my doctor doesn't want me to try to get much below that 180-185 pound range before we re-assess my health at that juncture. That's only an average of 1.4 pounds per week, and it is definitely do-able. Now that I am again and just one of the other many listeners to The Joy FM, I am curious to learn just how motivated I am to continue getting more healthy, and this time, to reach my ultimate goal weight.

I do much better when I have a goal, no matter how modest it may be. I'm actually hoping that I can do even better than that, but I also want to be realistic. I lost a LOT of weight the first four months, approximately 2 pounds per week, and that cannot continue at the same pace; I do have less weight to lose than when I started.

Plus which, a great concert at the end of a challenge is a fun thing to do as a celebration, instead of wolfing down a high-calorie, high-fat sweet treat. I love the way that Mark Schultz tells stories in his songs that never fail to tug at my heart, and get me thinking about the Lord. If I get to meet him, maybe I will be a teensy bit more articulate!. Plus, of course, he knows the proper way to spell "Schultz" with all the consonants, so to my mind those are reasons enough that I've already cleared the way with Carl to go to the event (I'll be blogging about THAT later on, I'm sure!).

So here we go! I've got a goal, I've got the motivation, and I definitely have the best wishes and prayers from a lot of people who now know my story. Ya'll really help keep me bolstered.

If you're feeling restless or without focus, or you've just looked away from your finish line for a while, try setting yourself a short-term touchstone or two on the way to your big finish. It is very important to feel good about your efforts, and not be depressed if you've been shooting for the moon.

My prayer for you this week is that you figure out some yard-markers (Aha! The picture finally is paired to my theme!) along the way to your ultimate end-place. And of course, the ultimate end-place is just another yard-marker along the way to the REALLY big finish - YOU know what I mean!

"... I love your work..."

<<< "Hey, Goober, I love your WORK!"

Signed, Ima Dork

"Judee, judee, judee" >>>>

I knew I would only have about 30 seconds within which to tell MARK HALL of Casting Crowns how much I admire his ability to take scripture and make it not only live and breathe with a message relevant to today, but also to sing itself right into my heart, and how much I appreciate both of the books he has written, "Lifestories" and "Your Own Jesus", and to thank him for the contribution to my faith in Christ that he has made.

What did I say to this man who has made such a spiritual impact in my life? I said, "I really love your work." Not just once but three times. I'm STILL rolling my eyes and shaking my head at myself, and I did it Friday night. It is now Sunday evening. I am a huge goober. The one sentence every hardworking artistic person wants LEAST to hear - "I love your work" - that sounds like I have absolutely no idea who he is, but I want to say something nice, so I say, "I love your work." Freaking lovely. Heidi Schultz, who is rarely at a loss for words, says, "I love your work."

It is just so ironic. I've been such a fan of Mark Hall for so long, since I started hearing Casting Crowns music on the radio oh, four or five years ago, and first heard them live on a rainy night at the Plant City Strawberry Festival grounds. I am such a fan of his that I don't even think of him as "Mark" - I think of him as "MARK HALL" as in "MARK HALL of Casting Crowns."

A completely forgettable encounter for MARK HALL of Casting Crowns, I'm sure.

Talking on the radio and having I dunno how many people stuck in cars that HAVE to listen, or change the channel is no problem. Being on stage with Dave, Bill and Carmen was fun for me. I can stand in front of 3,200 people and wave my wobbly arms around and grin like a ... well, goober, ... and I have no qualms. Ladies in the bathroom told me congratulations and I can piece together a warm, "thank you" like they're neighbors or something. But MARK HALL of Casting Crowns?

If your kids are allergic to peanuts, please don't let them get within 10 feet of me for the next couple of days.

Thank you if you were at the concert Friday night for being so sweet and supportive of me. My next post will be about where I'm going from here!

Have a great week, and get your goobers out to the gym!

And, Mr. Hall? I really, really REALLY love your work.

Final Weigh-in Before Casting Crowns

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 206 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: -2 lbs
Total Weight Loss: -36 lbs

Just 6 more pounds before I say goodbye to the 200s once and for all. That'll take me about 3 weeks if I continue the way I have been going, and I think that's good. Right in the middle is Thanksgiving, but this time around I can stick to my plan.

I have finally bounced back from that self-sabotage mode I was in a few weeks back. Probably what helps is that I'm not sitting around the house and looking for things to eat when I'm bored. 'Cause I'm working again! Yay! Go, God!

I've been making a point this first week at my new job to make sure I am packing lunch and snacks for the day so I don't get too hungry and do stupid things like head out to Starbucks or Wendy's or McDonald's (all within 5 minutes of the office). I'm planning to stay disciplined and take my food every day so that I can stay true to the healthy work I've done so far. Plus, I'm so busy that I don't often take time for my afternoon snacks until I'm on the way home from work! Busy is good, very good!

I feel like I'm contributing to my family again, and that is a good thing. Plus I like my clients that I've spoken to so far, and I want to help them obtain the benefits they deserve. My attorneys are great people and I enjoy everyone I've come into contact with in the office. Funny, isn't it, I talk sometimes about attorneys being jerks, but then the ones I work for now and most of the ones I've worked for in the past, with one or two heavy exceptions, are always terrific people.

And Casting Crowns concert in Brandon is tomorrow night! I am so excited. I would be excited even if I weren't getting the amazing opportunity to meet Mark Hall, for whom I have so much respect and admiration, and the rest of the band. I like the way Mark writes the lyrics to songs that are so "in your face" on one hand, but on the other, he never fails to let you know that God is, well, God! His books are the same way. If you've never read one of his books, check them out sometime. I especially love "Your Own Jesus" which is his most recent one to date. I'm reading it again so I can catch some of the stuff I missed the first time around; I read way too fast for my own good.

I hope I see you in Brandon tomorrow night, but if not, I'll be posting about the experience, so come back in a few days.

I'm praying that you have a week of seeing God everywhere around you... in your children's faces, in your reflection in the mirror, in a crisp fall (finally!) Florida morning, in a bird's flight, just everywhere. Be looking for Him, will you?

When I see Him, I'll tell Him you said "hey."

Weigh In Week 17 - "Let Go!"

Starting Weight: 242 lbs

Current Weight: 208 lbs

This week's results: -2 lbs

Total results: -34 lbs

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

I was excited to see my best bud GT at the turkey stop in Valrico this week - he'd helped me immensely a while ago by asking me if I was committed... see way, way, way below for that post. The picture is somewhat sideways, because so is Dan Brody, who took the picture of us! Not in the picture but there also was Leslie, the latte lady. I love these guys!

In fact, I love all the people associated with The Joy FM; artists, DJs, staff, producers, go-fers, volunteers, Brother Jim; just everybody. I've never seen a workplace so full of people willing to help each other out and who all know that their Boss is the best ever.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the chapter in my life that is about to close. I still have a long way to go to get to my ultimate weight loss goal, but the first public part of that journey is just about done. Next Friday night, I'll be at the Casting Crowns concert, and hopefully will get to publicly thank everyone who has ever listened to me on The Joy FM radio station with Dave, Bill and Carmen of The Morning Cruise; anyone who has ever read this blog or prayed for my fight against my all-too-human self and for taking control of the things that I CAN control; anyone who has ever stopped me and said to keep up the good work; anyone who has complimented me on my efforts; everyone! Then I'll be doing this without anyone looking in on me... kind of.

My husband Carl tells me he is afraid that sometimes my faith in God and His role in my life is too simplistic; he worries that I'm going to "let go and let God" without making the effort myself to change my circumstances. He and I don't see eye-to-eye on this issue. I think Carl underestimates God. The Lord has had power over my life ever since I was a child. Somehow I knew, no matter what, no matter how bad things were, that He would be there holding me in His arms. That when the absolute worst things that could happen to me, did, He saved me. When I couldn't do anything more, He stepped in and finished the job.

The job! A wonderful case in point. I've been beating my head against a stone wall trying to find a job. I prayed for a job, one that would help me to make a living, to be able to help Carl with our finances and to work toward solid ground. Last night I had given my unemployment up to God and told Him I had done all I could, if I was to have this job, then could we please get on with it? Boy, when He answers, HE ANSWERS!

You see, God doesn't do anything halfway, not for anyone. He knew I was at the end of my financial rope and that THIS job, more than the countless others for which I submitted resumes and got no answers, was the one for me. Oh, He made me work for it, make no mistake about that! I've worked for two years at jobs that didn't meet my financial expectations. I let a prior employer rob me of my self-confidence in my skills and abilities. I had to sweat it out, and so did Carl, of course, since February 2007.

I found out about the workers' compensation legal assistant job from the placement agency I had contacted, about two weeks ago. The headhunter sent them my resume... no response. I called my headhunter again just yesterday and asked her whether that job had been filled yet and said (only half-joking) that I was starting to feel like I had leprosy. She checked with the law firm, and things started to roll from there. Today I had a telephone interview at 9:30 a.m. At 10:15 the attorney I was speaking to asked me to come to the office... today. I asked her when; she said, "How soon can you get here?" By noon they offered and I accepted my chance to get back into the kind of legal work that I have always loved. I got the job. I got the job!

I know that God had His Hand in this. I'm not saying good things come for everyone who believes, just because that's what THEY want. I still walked through a glass door and lacerated my legs at the age of 12 years, and I still broke my shoulder while biking along Hillsborough Avenue when I was struck by a semi at the age of 15 years. God didn't protect me from those injuries. My father still died even though I begged God to give us more time with him. My aunt still suffered from cancer even though countless friends and family prayed for her to be delivered from that horrible, wasteful disease. My ex-husband still wanted to end our marriage even though we made a vow that we would be married to each other until death separated us. Other terrible things have happened in my life, to me, to my loved ones, and to total strangers, with tragedies and senselessness that have rocked our world with their horrible impact.

What I believed, and always will, is that no matter what happens, God is with us. He doesn't make people do things; we have the free will to follow Him, to do the right things, or not. He somehow takes those outcomes, though, and makes something new from them. Out of every senseless, destructive, horrifying event, I believe that some miracle comes from it.

I know that today is a gift, and I can either use it or squander it. I'm not promised that I will even wake up tomorrow, so I'm trying to live each day the best way I know how - striving not to be lazy or petty, keeping watch over my temper and my language, and trying to be the person God knows I can be. I'm not very successful; I'm horrible at it! Some days I haven't even gotten out of bed and I've managed to mess something up. But I have faith in our Father, that He sent His Son to take my sins upon Himself so that I will live forever.

So maybe my faith IS simplistic. Maybe I DO "let go and let God" too often. The fact that I do, and He does, is enough for me - its everything.

Here's hoping that you realize that your prayers are answered, in whichever ways the Lord sees fit, and that you see His Hand in your life. He gives us strength for the journey.

Standing Still...Still Standing? Weigh-In Week 16

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 210 lbs
This Week's Results: 0 lbs
Total Results: -32 lbs

"Be still and know that I am God" - Psalms 46:10

The yoga pose you see is a real pose - Mountain pose or Tadasana. Looks like she's just standing there, right? Nope.

Bill Martin of The Joy FM's Morning Cruise has gotten into a high-powered exercise/yoga program - is it BMX KX20? Whatever! I know its a bike, but I never remember the name of the actual program. Yesterday, Bill used a website to show a position that listeners had to name to win some concert tickets. I found the website and signed on to get their "pose of the day". This was today's.

It made me grin, for sure, when I first saw the picture. Haven't I been STANDING around most of my life? Apparently, I've been doing it incorrectly the entire time. Who'd a thunk it? According to http://yoga.about.com/od/yogaposes/a/tadasana.htm there are 9 (count 'em!) steps to standing correctly in the Mountain pose. In my head, I hear "tadasana" sounding like "Tah-DAH! Sauna!"

What looks idiot-proof on the surface is actually more complex than one might initially think. You can read all the steps for the pose on the website if you like, but the main thing that stopped me smirking and got me thinking was this comment: "... bringing the body into alignment is hard work. The alignment for Tadasana carries in to many of the standing and inverted poses." This is also the first pose used in correcting back pain and involves every body part.

I didn't lose any weight this week. On the face of having gained last week, I'm pleased as anything. Oh, it looks like I'm standing still again, but actually I feel like I'm still standing! I am okay with this because I know I've kept to my nutrition plan, and I've been exercising as well as or better than I have in previous weeks. I also learned that beating yourself up over past mistakes is self-indulgent, and actually can "help" give you permission to do it again! "Oh, I'm such a failure, why even try? I'm just gonna mess up again." Don't fall into the trap of temptation to be a martyr!

My attitude is "do everything you can to achieve the results you want, and God'll take care of the rest."

I think the Mountain pose is a lot like life as Christians. From the outside we look like we are just standing there, doing nothing, with all the problems of the world, our country, our community, and our family on our backs. But we are led by Christ to be flexing our muscles, balancing, using our strength to help feed others, encourage others, and even inspire others. Oh, we're gonna fail spectacularly at it, too! Being the body of Christ is hard work and full of challenges, and bringing that body into alignment is a constant battle against the rest of the world.

But the important thing to remember and hold onto when we do fail is that we have the safest net to fall into - the arms of Christ. As Psalm 103:12 and Mark Hall of Casting Crowns promises, our sins are fogiven as far as the east is from the west. From one scarred Hand to the other. AMEN! Thank you, Jesus!

I'm gonna go and practice the Mountain pose now... how 'bout you? Ta-DAH! Sauna!

Weigh In Week 15 - "The Light"

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 210 lbs
This week's results: +3 lbs
Total results: -32 lbs

I so fervently hope that you might see elements of yourself in my following comments, and that you bring them into the light where you can examine them, and get on with your struggle!

... I gained weight this week - the first time since I began my latest attempt to be healthy and take control of myself... not too bad. I knew early on in my attempts that this was going to happen to me; it happens to everybody... falling down.

We all fail. We all fall so incredibly short of the goals that Christ would have us set for ourselves. That's our human-ness. Its also all too human to try to mask those shortcomings. I've delayed sending in this blog because I felt like such a failure to myself, and to the people who have been praying for me and for my getting better.

Bring your troubles into the light, where you can see them for what they are. Carmen talked this morning about having the beejeebers scared out of her by a coiled up hose in her family recycling bin - in her darkened garage, she thought the hose was a snake and probably woke the neighborhood with her shrieks - again. I can so relate to her story! I've been hiding behind myself for so long that it is hard to break the habit. Instead of talking about it, I've been isolating myself.

I'm so afraid of failing that its easier to quit. Its easier to just stop and say its too hard. That I tried but I just can't do it anymore. That losing 30-odd pounds is enough. But it isn't too hard! I've been doing so well! I know what I'm supposed to be doing! I have only a few more weeks before the Casting Crowns concert and people will see my progress thus far. I'm so NOT finished getting healthy with the end of the concert, but I can look back with pride in a job well done to this point. AND thank God for all He has done to show me the way. And ask Him to continue to guide me in all I'm trying to do.

In his book, Your Own Jesus, Mark Hall has a Discussion Guide at the end. He talks about "Stuck" on page 205 - How does my life reveal what I believe about God? I can't answer that yet, because when I think about that question, all I come up with is what I WANT my life to reveal about my faith in Him. I want to glorify Him in all I do, but I cheat on working out, on getting healthy, and even on continuing my search for work. I delay what I should be doing, and instead do the very things I know will sabotage myself.

I know I am not alone in this, man has struggled with his human self versus his higher purposes for as long as time itself. Paul says in Romans 7, starting at verse 21,

I find therefore the law of my nature to be that when I desire to do what is right, evil is lying in ambush for me. For in my inmost self all my sympathy is with the Law of God; but I discover within me a different Law at war with the Law of my understanding, and leading me captive to the Law which is everywhere at work in my body--the Law of sin. Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Thank you, so much, Lord for Your goodness, grace, and mercy! Without You, we are wretched, criminal, base, and condemned forever to death. Because of Your sacrifice, we are Your children, uplifted, forgiven, and forever cleansed from our sinful selves.

What kind of parents would we be, that when our children falter and fail, that we withdraw our love from them? We can't fix our kids (believe me!), but we can love them, pray for them, and be there for them when they call out to us. And God, being the Father of us all, does even so much more for us, His children, when we call on Him.

So... LIGHT! Christ is the Light of the world, and we who follow Him will have eternal life in the Light and never walk in darkness again (John 8:12). Bring your failings out into the Light of Christ, where you can see them, pray about them, talk about them, and get on with fixing them!

Weigh-In Week 14 - "Becoming Visible"

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 207 lbs
This Week's Results: -4 lbs
Total Results: -34 lbs



I went to the grocery store yesterday afternoon. I don't dress up for this, although I like grocery shopping, but yesterday I was particularly "dressed down" - I had on workout clothes - sneakers, bandanna folded up like a sweatband on my head, no makeup, the whole nine yards.

Thus attired, I wended my way through the store, and finally I entered the produce area and picked up what I needed, and started towards the cash registers. As I rounded the corner near the Latin produce, a man about my age started speaking to me in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish except in mainly food terms (go figure!), and I told him so. He laughed, and said, "You don't speak Spanish?" and we started talking together in English. He introduced himself, I introduced myself, and he told me he had been looking at the plantains for a meal he was cooking that night. We talked about Latin food for a little bit, his homeland of Puerto Rico, my childhood in the shadow of Ybor City; a nice little conversation, and then he asked me if I was married.

He asked me if I was married! This guy was actually approaching me to... ask me for a date? Invite me to his home-cooked dinner? I stammered around a little bit and eventually held up my left hand with the wedding ring on it. He expressed some tactful disappointment or other, and told me I was "looking good." I wasn't fully listening to him at that point, because I was quietly (I hope) freaking out. I thanked him, told him to have a nice day, and we parted company.

I giggled to myself through checkout, the parking lot, and when I called Carl to let him know someone had tried to pick me up. I haven't had that happen to me in quite some time, obviously, given my "smooth" reaction.

I'm becoming visible to other people, but I don't think its because I've lost weight - its because I feel better about myself. Because of that, I don't avoid eye contact when someone catches my eye. I have more interest in other people, and I think that reflects on my "aura" or whatever it is, and I have become more approachable.

It still freaked me out, obviously! I'm going to have to get used to this.

I'd like to think that maybe he saw something of Christ inside me. Maybe I was approachable for him because what I saw in him was another child of God who was simply making conversation. I wasn't being predatory; neither was he. So after I got over my giggle-fit I just prayed for him, that if he was looking for another person to connect with, to share a meal or a cup of coffee or friendship, I hope he finds it. Because he was a nice guy, he was respectful and funny, and he treated me like a person, not a target.

Make yourself approachable to someone today. You never know how much you might be brightening their day by a few simple kind words.

"Taking Measure(ment)s"

From July 13, 2009 to October 13, 2009:

Chest: 44.13 inches/42.5 inches; -1.63 inches

Waist: 41 inches/39 inches; -2 inches

Hips: 52.75 inches/49 inches; -3.75 inches

Bicep: 18 inches/16.75 inches; -1.25 inches

Michelle, Shapes' most amazing, wonderful personal trainer in the whole wide world (I'm given to over-using superlatives, but in Michelle's case, they're well deserved), took all my measurements when I met with her Monday night, and I actually remembered to ask her for the results so I could post them. If you're in the midst of getting healthy, and you haven't already done so, take some measurements and keep track of them. They will surprise you, especially during weeks where you don't feel you've lost enough weight, or it isn't coming off as fast as you might like (there are healthy guidlines for how much weight you should lose - check out www.sparkpeople.com for free help on exercise, nutrition, goals, and so on!).

I've done really well in whittling myself down, and I've improved in other areas as well. I have better balance, better stamina, better posture, less back or leg pain, more self-confidence, and an overall better attitude about almost everything!

I've gone from a lean mass of 145.48 pounds and fat mass of 97.52 pounds, with a body fat percentage of 40.13, to a lean mass of 134.98 pounds, with a fat mass of 77.92 pounds, and a body fat percentage of 36.60. I've dropped lean mass of almost 10%, fat mass is down almost 8%, and my body fat percentage is down almost 10%. I've lost over 12% of my starting weight. I have a way to go, of course, but I kind of feel like I'm entering the home stretch.

This is where I begin to endanger my struggle, and get lazy. Like so many others, I am a master at sabotaging myself. I've been slacking off on exercise, not getting to the gym or just exercising at home at least 4 days of 7. I haven't been keeping track of my nutrition, which means I might be shorting myself on some key elements like protein or carbohydrates. I haven't really fallen off the wagon with eating really bad food, but how would I know for certain, if I'm not keeping track? Faded ink is stronger than a "convenient" memory. I'm not drinking as much water as I know is healthy for me. All of these can have some bad effects, to say the least, the most important being weight gain and increased depression.

I didn't stop doing EVERYTHING in one day; and I didn't stop doing what I was doing all at once. When I'm slipping slowly down that slope, I don't even notice what I'm (not) doing; not all at once. Its like realizing that I'm addicted to food - it simply never occurred to me, because I wasn't facing the truth. I think its the same for everyone, regardless of whatever discipline we're trying to master. Mark Hall of Casting Crowns says it best in "Slow Fade" I think, where he says:

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

I know Mark's talking about something here way more serious and sinister than me keeping to a healthy regimen, but the same principle applies and the decline is no less destructive... The lines blur, and the discipline you used to keep out of the fridge, to get in the gym or out on the hiking trail is the very same as compromising your principles, or taking just a little peek at pornography, or engaging in vicious gossip, or feeling superior to someone else because you've "got God"... when we love the Lord, we've got to marshal ourselves and keep to the proper paths. When self-discipline fails, everything else around us begins to deteriorate.

So! Time to catch myself up by my bootstraps and go on as I intend to continue. My favorite fictional childhood heroine, Anne Shirley, said that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet, and I'm taking that thought to heart and making her "tomorrow" my "today."

My prayer for you, dearest ones, is that you keep your eyes on the horizon and your heart on the Lord. He calls us all out of our safe little boats and invites us to walk with him (reference to another Casting Crowns song, I just can't help it), and face our fears. It ain't easy, but He didn't promise it would be. He promised to be with us always, to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20). I'm sure counting on that.

In the meantime, its time for me to get to the gym.

Time Passages - Weigh-In Week 13

Starting Weight: 242 lbs

Current Weight: 211 lbs

This Week's Results: -2 lbs

Total Results: -31 lbs

My Dad Carl and Mom Joyce ==>

circa 1996

So many things happened this month already... October 2 was the 11th anniversary of my Dad dying of cancer. October 1 was my aunt Janet's turn to see the Lord face to face, finally laying down her long battle against cancer.

Its kind of weird, how time passes. It seems to telescope in and out for me all the time. Eleven years Daddy's been gone, but sometimes it still seems so fresh. I feel like I was just getting to know him as a person, rather than the complicated personage I always recall from my childhood.

Growing up, the five of us kids two aunts, Janet, and Joan, my mom Joyce's sisters. Daddy was an only child, so no aunts or uncles there, but his dad had 4 younger sisters, Lillian, Marion, Margaret, and Evelyn; and a baby brother, Ralph; so we had lots of great-aunts and uncles. There are something like 70 Boettger relatives in our family tree, and that's the siblings starting with Pop-Pop, or Carl, Sr., his siblings, their spouses, nieces and nephews, my Daddy and his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren.

Mom is the oldest of the three girls, then Janet, and Joan was the baby. I think I get my sardonic sense of humor from Mom's side of the family, and Aunt Janet was the queen! Mom is a much nicer person, like Aunt Joanie, but Aunt Janet always got her little zingers in on her sisters as well as Grandma and my great Aunt Florence, which cracked me up. Grandma and Aunt Florence were sisters, and Aunt Florence lived with Grandma and Gramps from the time they married, I think.

Daddy grew up in Ridley Park, which is 15 miles south of Philadelphia, and Mom moved there from Tower City, Pennsylvania, when she was 12 years old. They were NOT high school sweethearts until senior year, because Mom said Daddy was really annoying.

But I digress. Aunt Janet graduated from Drexel University in 1958 with a degree in home economics and education, I think. She returned to college and earned a degree in Medical Technology from Our Lady of Angels in 1981. She lived in Delaware after marrying Uncle Jim, in the same house in Claymont, until she died. She was a medical technologist at Chester County Hospital until 2006 when she had to retire due to her health. She also volunteered at DuPont Hospital, swam almost daily, played bridge, and traveled. Boy, did Aunt Janet travel! She and Uncle Jim lived in Turkey during the early 70s with their children, Jaime and Jennifer, while Uncle Jim, an engineer, helped to build oil refineries. She went to Egypt, Asia, Europe, all over the world.

We didn't get to see much of our Northerner relatives, but when we did it was like we'd always been together. I saw my first ever fireflies at Aunt Janet's house. I remember running around the yard gathering them up and putting them in a Mason jar with Jaime and my sister Amy, and then releasing them in the bedroom at night. What a cool thing to see, blinking little lights in the jar, and then witnessing them softly rise out of the jar and take over the whole room! I think we did the same thing another time, but with baby frogs, when they came to visit us in Tampa.

I really miss my Dad, and I'm already feeling the loss of Aunt Janet's presence in my life, but there's a huge caveat to those emotions. BUT! Daddy and Janet were both devout Christians, believing in the grace that the Lord extends to everyone who believes in Him, all of their lives. The best thing about being a Christian is knowing with all your being that death is not the "forever and forever" end.

When we go to Heaven, I hope we get to continue to have a window in on our loved ones, to see how they're doing without us. If so, I'm sure Daddy is very amused by his great-grandchildren as they are born and grow teeth, and learn to crawl and walk, and speak, and develop their little personalities. I'll bet he whispers in Pierson's ear at 3:00 a.m. that what he really wants to do is wake up and make his parents play with him until the alarm goes off. I'd also be willing to bet that he is the one who is enticing Phoebe to act like a crazy child at bedtime.

Here's my prayer for the week. Please, if you have a dispute with someone you love, patch up your differences. Love on them, tell them you're sorry, or let them apologize to you, and mend those bridges, or at least try. You can't control how someone else will react, but you can extend the olive branch. We know neither the day nor the time when we won't get a second chance to fix things.

...Maybe my next entry will be about weight loss!

"Choices" - Weigh In Week 12

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 213 lbs
This Week's Results: -6 lbs
Total Results: -29 lbs

Boy, oh, boy, was there insanity going on The Biggest Loser this week!

The week's theme was about choices, hence my title today. There were quite a few bad choices, all apparently made by Tracy. First, she chose to take a 2-pound advantage at weigh in, which resulted in her and Coach Mo to have no support from trainers Bob and Jillian the entire week. Jillian was particularly unhappy with her. Bob and Jillian took an hour from everyone else to counsel Tracy about knee-jerk reactions. Then, after that session, Tracy ignored everything they said, and chose to eat four 100-calorie cupcakes to win control over whose individual weigh-in would count for each team. Basically, she talked to each team member, and whichever member she was asked to have count, she chose the other one and threw everyone under the Greyhound. Great strategy - that is, if you want to alienate yourself from every other person on the ranch; trainers, contestants, as well as probably your teammate. Be careful of your choices; they have long-term consequences.

I'm being critical and judgemental of Tracy, and I don't give a hoot. I was really pulling for her when she collapsed on the beach and was hospitalized for the first about 10 days. She's hardly been there! This was week 3! As Bob said, don't get crazy and immerse yourself in game-play until the end! Jillian would have done her bodily harm if she could've.

The rest of the contestants showed such integrity and team spirit, though. At the physical challenge, they had to tote either one 25-pound container at a time a long distance or two 5-lb containers at a time a short distance, up a large ramp and into a bin. Total weight to move was 125 pounds per person, 250 pounds per two-member team. The winning team got immunity. But, once the green team won, all the other participants continued bringing up their containers until they finished the challenge. What a great choice. Integrity! Just because you don't come in first, keep plugging until you're finished. Team spirit! They were shouting encouragement to the rest of the contestants as they struggled to finish. Afterwards, they all came up on top of the ramp, joined hands, and held up their arms in a celebration of victory.

After weigh-in, thanks to Tracy's machinations, it was down to red team Antoine and Sean and orange team Danny and Shay. Antoine and Sean asked to let them go home, rather than the orange team. Shay was a basket-case. She grew up in foster care and lost her mom to drug addiction at an early age, and is always been struggling with self-appreciation and her weight. She was the record heaviest person ever on The Biggest Loser when she started. She asked the group not to send her home; she wasn't ready, and I think said she'd be lost if they let her leave. She talked about always being alone, and digging herself out of the dirt, and was just heartbreaking to watch.

Because of their sacrifice, Antoine and Sean went home. During the aftermath interviews, they had both lost over 100 pounds and were getting healthier and stronger. Sean, a youth pastor, and his wife are expecting a baby girl any day now and are going to name her Jillian. Antoine, a loan officer (I think), and single man, is in love with Alexandra, the contestant from week 1 that was eliminated! God is amazing in how He works out our messes to the greater good!

I saw and heard God all through this episode, in Tracy's bad choices actually working out for Antoine and Sean. Tracy's lost any credibility she might have had with the others, though. She lost 11 POUNDS this week. No one applauded or congratulated her. I hope she wasn't surprised, after her betrayal of everyone, including her teammate Mo. I saw God when Allen told Shay, "You never have to face any challenge alone." I heard God when Abby was told she had a tibial stress fracture and she said, "I'm not gonna lay down," on alternate exercising to stay in the game.

Satan is the master of distraction! He places these challenges in front of us. He dangles temptations that look like smart choices in the short term, but are actually HORRIBLE options in the long term. Tracy had control of the game this week, but she's going to pay in following weeks because I believe everyone is going to go out of their way to avoid her. I think Jillian will actually go after her! Tracy's got her own bugaboo this next week, because she has a muscle injury that will keep her out of the gym... Coincidence? Karma? Either way, she is reaping the "benefits" of her choices, as do we all.

Jesus didn't lay down. He sacrificed Himself so we could lay down our sorrows and troubles on Him. He gave us EVERYTHING; we who are nothing without Him. Our Father takes our bad decisions and hurtful words, and turns them around to the good. Oh, not when we would have Him do it; it may take seconds or years for Him to finish it out. But I believe He does finish everything. After all, He is the Beginning and the End, all praise to the Lord!

I'm praying for GOOD choices this week. One of my choices (and privileges) this week is that I'm going to be at The Joy FM radio station on Thursday, October 1, for the kickoff of the Sharathon fundraiser, from 6 to noon. I'll be answering phones and taking pledges, and I hope I'm busier than a bee swarm (HInt! HInt!) with a potfull of spilled honey.

Sailing, Sailing... Weigh In Week 11

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 219 lbs
This Week's Results: + 5 lbs
Total Results: -23 lbs


Carl, Lindsay, Scott, Phoebe, Pierson, Lindsay's nanny Kacey, Kacey's sister Kelcey, Kacey's son Jeremiah, and I all went on a cruise to Cozumel, Mexico, this past weekend. We left from the port of Tampa on Thursday and returned on Monday.

We had a pretty good time! Lindsay, having a HUGE amount of energy, did lots and lots of things with Scott and the babies on board as well as taking an excursion in to Cozumel to Playa Mia (or something like that), on our day in port in Mexico. Carl and I kept to the duty-free shops right at the port itself, having already "done" Cozumel several years ago.

Lindsay was very impressed (and not in a good way) with how the people live there, outside of the tourist area. They somehow got off the main drag and saw some houses that were open to the casual observer, and she saw flimsy one-roomed shacks, hammocks rather than beds, and tiny spaces for large numbers of people in one dwelling. She also said that everything was very dirty (I remember that too), and there were huge iguanas just wandering around the streets. She said she has a new appreciation for the material things that we have in this country, even though we are currently so economically tight. That's the good thing about international travel, whether its on a mission trip or a vacation, you get to see how the rest of the world lives. After all, there's no place like home.

The cruise line employees also opened our eyes as well. We met staff that were thrilled to be on board ship, and had been under contract several times, as well as others who couldn't wait to serve out their time and return home. We met people from the Ukraine, Germany, Peru, India, Australia, England, and just all over the world.

. . . Did I keep to my plan? Well, yes, if you know that I altered my plan! My goal on the cruise was to maybe gain 5 pounds, which I did. Coming off of the flu that I'd been fighting for basically the past two weeks, and the expected gain from that, I think I did not too bad. Although I never visited the gym, Carl and I walked the ship a few times each day. I was still coming off the flu thing the first couple of days on board, so I was very, very careful with what I ate or drank during that time. Good thing, I didn't sample the chocolate melting cake until maybe dinner night 3. Carl and I even danced our last night, and tried to get Phoebe to join us.

Don't ask me what the expression on my face has to do with the invitation, 'cause I'm sure I don't know!

Time to get back to reality, though. Emilio isn't here to serve me the most excellent chocolate melting cake ever in the world, or to bring me the rolls he found out were my favorite from day one. I wish Iwayans was here to turn down my bed and leave me chocolates on the pillows. I miss the cabana boys, too, who fetched us drinks anytime we looked in their direction. I miss the sensation that time wasn't moving, just the boat. I miss that Carl had to go back on the road the very next morning, after having him with me 24/7 (well, more like 24/5!).

But, I have stuff to do as far as getting and staying healthy, and November 13 will be here before we know it. So, back to the job hunt and daily life!

My prayer for you this week is that you are keeping to your goals, or if you've fallen off the wagon, please get back on it and keep trotting along! Call me next week at the station, 'cause I'll be taking pledges for The Joy FM Sharathon next Thursday and Friday mornings.

Do NOT Try This At Home! Weigh-In Week 10

Starting Weight: 242 lbs

Current Weight: 214 lbs

This week's results: -13 lbs (*)

Total Results: -28 lbs (again, *)

I have commented before, somewhat smugly, I am sure, that if one could begin a diet on day 1, and have all the desired weight gone by say, day 7, we'd all be dieting, we'd all be thin and healthy, and we'd all probably be self-righteous, sanctimonious prigs! "Prigs," Mom, not "Pigs"!

Well, I didn't lose all my weight in one week, but my immune system sure tried hard! I've been down with a stomach virus (and by "down" I mean I may as well have been fertilizing daisies) which began its insidious way into my digestive system last Friday.

I won't get into the nastiest of details, let's just say I couldn't keep any food down or inside my body in any way. Body aches, chills, but interestingly no fever, dizziness, nausea, the whole Pepto Bismol jingle thingie. I couldn't keep any medication down, either, and I quit trying by Tuesday, so I actually saved money this week not only in groceries but in drugs as well.

Exercise? Well, I did several wind-sprints to the bathroom, but I don't think they count. I'm giving myself the weekend to get over it all and start fresh on Monday. Michelle won't know what to do with me.

In the past week, well, since Sunday, I've had 4 or 5 graham crackers, about a dozen Saltines, maybe 32 ounces of chicken broth, ginger ale (the real stuff WITH sugar), and 3 vanilla wafers (a huge mistake). This morning I had a slice of wheat toast, dry, with a little sugar free fruit spread on it. I'm going to splurge today and get some take-out won-ton soup without the won-tons! Yum. I'm still afraid to eat much of anything. Lindsay made crockpot lasagna last night, which was the first food cooking I've smelled that didn't make me miserable.

Here's the (*): The only bad thing about losing so much weight so fast is that I know it isn't "real" - how could it be? I lost lots and lots of water weight, but I don't feel like I "earned" it. So, next week I am expecting a gain. Don't be surprised!

Anyway, God is good, I'm feeling better, I might even get to pick up my final paycheck from the ex-boss today (yes, I'm still unemployed), and maybe catch up on my laundry. Doing the split-pea soup scene from The Exorcist has sure taken its toll on my supply of fresh sheets.

God love ya'll! My prayer for you is that none of you get this stomach virus. Have a great weekend.

From Friends to Impulsivity (Is that a word, Bill?) Weigh-In Week 9

Starting Weight 242 lbs (7/13/09)
Current Weight 223 lbs
This Week's Results -3 lbs
Total Results -19 lbs

"Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver and the other, gold."

I gratefully accepted an invitation to come to The Joy FM studios and do a live interview with The Morning Cruise, also known as Dave Cruse, Bill Martin, and Carmen Brown, on Wednesday morning. They are such a blessing to me, as well as so many other people in the station's listening area.

The gang on The Morning Cruise are such a good audience - they laugh at everything I say that my family either roll their eyes, or heave a huge sigh and go on as though I didn't say anything at all. I like that in my friends!

Speaking of friends, my best friend, Helen-Ann, and her husband, Dave, are going on a little weekend get-away. I hope they have a wonderful time. I've written about Helen-Ann before; she is like my other half when it comes to girlfriends. She helps me to think outside of my own personal box, so to speak. We get emotional about the same stuff, like contemporary worship, our kids and grandkids (her first is due in November!), music, faith stories, our husbands (Dave is my surrogate spouse, when Carl's out of town and the other 3 of us go do stuff together), injustice, our childhoods, you know, girlfriend stuff. But Helen-Ann comes at things from a slightly different angle than I do, so her slant on a subject may be a little to the left or right of me, but we always end up at the same place together. Helen-Ann always gives me something to mull over. She is very patient, although I don't think she would agree with me about that. I tend to verbally barrel over people; my brain is always running lickety-split, and I feel like I have to leap in with the first thought that comes into my mind... Helen-Ann does not. I am very impulsive. Helen-Ann is very deliberate in speech and action.

I'm sure Carl's reading this and nodding his head vigorously until his Bluetooth falls off his ear. He has chided me many times in the past for being impulsive and leaping off the robust rampart of reason straight down into the abyss of assumption. Did you like that turn of phrase? I just made it up!

Speaking of being impulsive, I think this little character trait (some would say flaw) of mine is what has assisted me with some of my weight gain issues in the past. I have been known to whisk junk food into a grocery cart while shopping with other family members (even as a child!) and no one ever was the wiser until we got home. I've hidden food in my bedroom to save for later. I've pretended "someone else" ate the last 2/3 of a bag of potato chips. I've rolled candy bar wrappers in toilet paper so no one would look TOO closely at my trash (you never know what you're gonna get), and I've flat out lied about how long ago it was that I went to Wendy's when the evidence (trash) was found in my vehicle. These are all signs that I have an eating disorder... well, color me DUH!

Being impulsive is self-destructive and can become an overwhelming problem if you let it. I mentioned Wednesday morning, when I lost my job last Thursday, I started peeling one of my fingernails. I've never had natural nails as long as they currently are, without them splitting and tearing. This is one of the signs that a low thyroid problem may exist. Anyway, I started by peeling off my left pinkie nail as kind of a nervous reaction to being laid off. I recognized that what I was doing was self-destructive, and I was able to stop myself after losing only that one nail. Back in the day, I would have continued mindlessly tearing off all of them until all I had were two hands of nothing but pink nail beds. This time, it couldn't have been more different. This time, Someone helped me stop myself. There was anther Power at work beside my own.

If you recognize yourself in what I just said, you are SO not alone. You are not losing your mind, and you are NOT a freak! You just have a personality snarl that you need to unravel. Get it out in the light (where everything needs to be!) so you can look at it and untangle it!

I have to tell ya'll thank you, before I get any further. Thank you, so very much. Thank you for your emotional support, thank you for reading my blog, thank you for listening to me on the radio, and just plain thank you! I feel your prayers lifting me up, and I am so grateful for them all. Thank you, Michelle, for so generously offering me your time and knowledge. Thank you, Dave, Bill, and Carmen, for the moral support! I know you don't think it adds up to much, but it means the world to me.

Carmen said a few times Wednesday that she prayed if it was God's will, for her to stay in this central southwest Florida community for the rest of her days. I second that emotion!

This is my prayer: Ya'll have a safe, peaceful, contented Labor Day weekend. And if you have to work during the holiday, thank the Lord for your job. I'm still hunting, and can't wait until I can start whining about "having to go to work"!

Adversity - NOTHING to do with Weight Loss

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. Sir Winston Churchill

If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength! Proverbs 24:10 (NIV)

Today I am a pessimist, and I am very small in my strength.

I am not a fan of adversity. In fact, I don't know anyone who is a fan, except maybe a few lawyers that I know. However! They don't like PERSONAL adversity any more than the rest of us do.

I'm not being mysterious on purpose; today I lost my job. Well, that sounds like I lost track of it... I was laid off. Economy, don't you know, and things didn't pick up like the boss expected. So,... lost. Job, not me.

The last time this happened I was seriously knocked for a loop, this time, I was kind of expecting it. Like I just said, things didn't work out for my boss like he expected.

For 20 years, I was a legal secretary, and a pretty good one, if I do say so myself, but so have the lawyers I worked for, so I'm not bragging on myself; I'm working up to something. I worked at the last firm for 7 1/2 years. My attorney was a named partner in the firm, and she and the managing partner had some conflicts. He (managing partner) did not live up to the promises he made, and eventually MY attorney decided her services would be put to more fruitful use elsewhere. So she resigned, left the partnership, and moved on to greener pastures. Where she went would have been a very long drive for me, and she didn't take any of her staff with her. The managing partner assured me I would still have a place with the firm, but two weeks later I was let go "for business reasons" - that is, I probably reminded him of his empty promises every time he saw me, and he knew that I knew that he had not kept his word multiple times.

I was devastated. I wanted closure from this but never got it. I saw the managing partner at a parade the following Christmas and he greeted me as though he had just seen me at the office or we were long-lost friends. I didn't know what to say, so I just looked at him in silence. He eventually said, "Merry Christmas," and moved on. I LET HIM take away my sense of identity; I was a GOOD legal secretary. I was a GOOD person; I let him steal my confidence in myself. I questioned my skills, I questioned everything about the job I was so proud of, and I questioned my value to anyone.

I started working for a foreclosure reporting company, which was amazing at the beginning; I was earning a very good salary, better than the law firm, but due to mismanagement the company stopped meeting payroll and allegedly went out of business. I lost several weeks of salary in that job, and have never recovered it. I worked for another similar company, for less than half my salary, but the owner was also slow to pay, due to booming foreclosures and shrinking subscriptions to the company, and I left that job as well, to work for a guy who had a company appearing at foreclosure auctions as the mortgage-holder representative. This is the job I just..., well, lost today.

So now what? What does God have in mind for me? Am I supposed to go back into the secretarial workforce, if any jobs are available? What am I to do? Am I afraid? You betcha! Carl and I already lost our home to foreclosure because of my job twists and turns from the past 3 years. Financial problems are the chief source of marital strife... we don't need this!

How trivial this may seem to you, if you have a loved one (Carmen's mama comes to mind very strongly) who is seriously ill, or are facing your own mortality. But this is huge. Its scary, and it smells horrible! I don't like it, and I want God to take it away!

I sound like a child, don't I? I feel like one, alone and small and afraid and powerless.

But I'm not powerless. I can find another job. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm trying to be excited about it, even as my throuat feels like its coming out of my skin and tears are splashing on my yet-to-be-seen-again collarbones. I know He will guide me out of this, but right now I'm just scared. And I think that's okay with Him. Bill said on The Morning Cruise the other day, essentially, pastors who tell their congregations that being Christian is all morning glories and sunshine should go back to semiary and re-learn the true meaning of Christianity.

Praise the Lord, oh my soul! I love Psalm 103 in its entirety, but especially today 15-18 (NIV) for these verses:

As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is
gone, and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting
the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children—
with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

I think what David was trying to say was, "This too shall pass. So, get over yourself!"

And, so it shall, and so shall I. Maybe tomorrow.

Weigh In Week 8 - "A Veggie Tale"

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 226 lbs
This Week's Results: -1 lb
Total Results: -16 lbs

Since we're trying to eat more healthfully at our house, Lindsay and I have been poring over the many Weight Watchers and Cooking Light cookbooks that I have, and have found some new favorite recipes, like N0-Meat Loaf and Eggplant Rollatini.

While reading a local newspaper this afternoon, I saw a suggestion for making spaghetti sauce with eggplant instead of meat, so I developed the following recipe for our dinner tonight, since we just happened to have an eggplant handy!

Heidi's Eggplant Pasta Sauce

1 cup raw onion, chopped
2-3 cloves minced garlic
1 large eggplant (about 1.5 pounds), peeled and cubed in about 1" pieces
1 TB extra virgin olive oil
3 TB of your favorite Italian herbs (we love Cork & Olive's Taste of Tuscany)
1 tsp salt (optional; taste first)
16 oz Ragu Light Sugar Free Tomato Basil Sauce
1.5 oz Kraft Parmesan/Romano cheese

In a large pot, saute the onion and garlic in the olive oil. When the onions appear soft and translucent, add the eggplant and Italian herbs. Allow the eggplant to become slightly soft, and then add in the Ragu and cheese. Let the sauce remain on very low heat for about 30-45 minutes, and serve with pasta, spaghetti squash, or use as an amazing pizza sauce.

This sauce makes about 4 servings per batch, with 180 calories, 8.1 grams fat, 0 grams cholesterol, 21.5 carbohydrates, and 7.2 grams fiber.

Note: Be sure to include in your journal the nutrition information for any accompaniment you have with the sauce!

What I learned: I would probably peel the eggplant the next time. If you can't find the Ragu sauce, canned diced tomatoes would do just as well (or better; more texture to the dish).

Hate to Exercise? - Then, Read This!

Before Michelle put me through my paces with a new workout routine for the week (I get a NEW one every week! That really keeps me motivated - I don't get bored), she took out the tape measure and measured here, and there, and then worked some complicated formula that showed us that my working out is bearing results. I don't remember numbers very well, so you won't see any here, but Michelle advised me that THOSE numbers revealed more to her than me stepping on the scale.

She also said I could share with you some of the other improvements I've made by changing my sedentary lifestyle for an active one (with healthy eating). Michelle rattled them off (cause, like I've said before, she's a GENIUS and knows her subject!), but I didn't recall all of them. So, I did a little research at The Mayo Clinic, where I found seven benefits. I'll summarize their 2-page report for you now.

1. Mood Booster - I've mentioned this one before - it really helps with depression, I'm here to tell you! Exercise stimulates brain chemicals that make you feel happier and more relaxed.

2. Fights Chronic Disease - Exercise helps to prevent or manage high blood pressure. It also helps elevate "good cholesterol" or HDL and lowers triglycerides at the same time. This double whammy helps to reduce plaque buildup in arteries.

3. Helps Manage Weight - Exercise and a healthy diet make this one a no-brainer, right?

4. Boosts Energy Levels - Exercise delivers oxygen and nutrients to tissues, and helps your heart, lungs, blood vessels, just about everything, to work more efficiently, and this is huge! When your body works more efficiently, you have energy to burn!

5. Promotes Better Sleep - Regular exercise helps you to fall asleep, and STAY asleep, and wake up better rested. Of course, if you exercise too late in the evening, you might have too much of that energy from #4 to fall asleep, so try exercising earlier in the day if this happens to you.

6. Light the Candles - Okay, if The Mayo Clinic says it, I'm gonna too. Exercise can improve your um, romantic life, too. It just, well, it makes certain functions improve for both genders, okay?!

7. Exercise Can Be Fun - Yes, it can! I'm having a blast. If you don't want to spend time in a gym, take a ballroom dancing class, take Fido to the dog park and play chase, play touch football or softball with the kids, get out on your local playground and just SWING! Any activity is better than sitting in a dark room with the TV and a bowl of popcorn, even if it is Orville Redenbacher's Natural Cracked Pepper that I am now addicted to, thanks to Carmen!

I do remember Michelle also telling me that regular exercise helps coordination, balance, and some other stuff, all good. The only "bad" I can see so far is that I'm gonna have to replace some clothing pretty soon. Carl's already drilled extra holes in my favorite leather belt!

Try it. Give it a couple of weeks, and see that everybody is right. Whether you're already fit and just want to boost your energy level, or you need to lose lots of weight like me, exercise is the one-size-fits-all help to a better physical life.

So just get out there and DO IT!

I can do ALL things through Christ Who STRENGTHENS me! Philippians 4:13