The JOY FM's Biggest Loser

Under Pressure...?

2010-10-05T17:13:00.000-07:00

Pressure. I thought I knew what pressure meant. I mean, I've faced the threat of losing a child, I've suffered abuse at the hands of a spouse, I've gone through divorce and depression, I've raised four kids to adulthood, I've lost a parent, I've had to stand by and watch while one of my kids struggled with addiction, and so many other problems in my life.

...I have no idea what "pressure" is. Pressure is watching your husband go through losing fingers and the use of his hand, raising a special needs child, watching a home burn down, being rearended in your car by a driver who then runs away, going through another surgery with your husband who has to lose more of his hand. Pressure is finally getting money benefits from the workers' compensation insurance company only to have them stop-pay your checks and have the bank threaten to close your account and black-list you from ever opening another bank account anywhere, for the rest of your life. Pressure is not having the money to pay your electric bill, not to mention putting food on the table, and pressure is wondering how you're going to tell your kids they won't be getting any Christmas gifts this year.

Pressure is breaking your back on the job (literally), and waiting a year for the insurance company to agree to pay for your surgery. Pressure is then finding out that the surgeon used the wrong hardware on your spine, and you have to go through the entire torture of the surgery and recovery all over again, and it's going to take ANOTHER year of waiting to get it paid for by the insurance company. Pressure is losing your wife, your daughter, your home, your job, and your dignity in the process.

Without naming names or going into any other details, the above is just a sample of some of the pressure that a couple of my clients are under at the workers' compensation law firm where I work.

"Heidi, you're depressing me! What's your point?" I guess the point I was struggling to make is that throughout all the pressure of the scenarios I painted above, today I talked to the wife of the client who has lost several fingers. She is truly grace under pressure. I told her how she has inspired me because throughout all the hardships she and her husband have gone through, she thanks God for the BLESSINGS she has in her life. Blessings! Her husband can't work. The little money they have gotten from the insurance company was stopped, and they're facing losing their only bank account forever because of a mistake that they did not make. Their home burned down last year, at CHRISTMAS. And this lady is almost unvaryingly (is that a word, Bill?) cheerful and calm when she calls me with yet another tragedy unfolding at her door.

This amazing woman of God reminded me today that she IS blessed. She pointed out to me that she is not cursed; that sometimes bad things happen and she looks for the gifts in all of them. Oh, sweet Lord, has she had bad things happen! And she can still praise God and thank Him for all the troubles that are completely eclipsed by His love and mercy. Even in the midst of all that she and her husband have faced, she praises the Lord for His goodness, and she has encouraged and lifted the hearts of those around her.

Believing in the Gift of God that is Christ, who sacrificed Himself for our sin, doesn't mean that we're gonna be wearing white robes and playing harps all day long, at least not where I live, here on earth. Life is going to be tough. Life is going to be downright heartbreaking sometimes. Being a Christian does not shield us from this world in any sense. Nobody handed me a "get out of crap free" card when I became a child of God, and I'm betting you didn't get one either. It's all in how we look at things. You can look at all the hard things and ask why God lets these things happen, or you can look for God in all the tragedies of this world.

I don't know about you, but I'm under absolutely NO PRESSURE over here!

That's all I'm sayin'.

Feeling Overwhelmed?

2010-04-12T17:04:00.000-07:00

I should've listed to Bill Martin... He TOLD me the best way to avoid losing a blog entry is to type it in someplace else, and cut and paste it into the article when I'm sure I have a complete entry.

Well, I didn't, and I couldn't, and now I can't. Oh, yeah, and this isn't the first time I've ignored perfectly good advice and lost a total entry. Dang it!

So, here goes:

Starting Weight: 213.6 lbs

Current Weight: 203 lbs.

Weight Lost: 10.6 lbs.

Did you have a good week? Did you do everything perfectly, every day, in every way? Yeah, me neither. I did well ENOUGH, I guess, since I lost almost 11 pounds, but I could've done more. However, I always do pretty well on that first weigh-in, it's Week 2 that will be tough. Oh, well, its time to get going!

I'm always really gung-ho the first week or two, but then the old ADD kind of checks in to see what's going on. I get bored easily. I can stay really concentrated on something, but let a distraction creep in, like the "Wonderpets" theme song, and I'm gone!

Just try and work on one good habit at a time. Exercise a few times a week, or concentrate on keeping your food journal, or drinking 8 8-ounce glasses of water every day. Maybe concentrate on bringing down that sugary-soda intake - make a plan! Kind of like getting up in the morning. Do you have to really THINK about what happens once you get out of bed? Unless Carl's home in the morning to interrupt my routine, I'm on autopilot with showering, brushing my teeth, putting on makeup, and heading out to the kitchen for coffee. That's how you have to treat living healthy, too. It isn't a habit (good OR bad) until you've done it so much or so many times that it becomes automatic.

I'm all for living consciously, or deliberately, but there are so many things I do everyday that are on auto-pilot. Like (and this is REALLY bad), most days I couldn't tell you HOW I got to work, unless something happens that is out of the ordinary, like a wreck, or a traffic jam, or even less traffic, for that matter (Spring break for Hillsborough students this week).

Anyway, concentrate on one habit you'd like to change, and take a couple of weeks to become the master of it. I'm concentrating on logging in my food diary, and being deliberate about blogging on the website.

My prayer for you this week is that you find the good habit you'd like to gain domination over, and all I ask is that for me, that you pray the same!

Let's Go - Getting Started

2010-04-04T07:54:00.000-07:00

Current Weight: 213.6 lbs

Are you ready? I am! Let's get going!

First things first: Of course, weigh yourself. Take a picutre, too. You'd be amazed at how much different you're going to look when you take off a couple of pounds... this is what I looked like in June 2009 before I started losing weight and being very public about it as The Joy FM's Biggest Loser on The Morning Cruise:

Here's what I look like today, Easter Sunday, kind of the same pose:

Carl says I look very much different to his eye; to be honest, I don't see it. I know I'm better; I have more energy, I feel so much healthier, and I have a better outlook ("IN-look") on myself and life in general. But DO take some pictures. If you don't want to look at them right now, that's fine. I didn't, either. But you WILL want to look at them later on, when you've lost a little weight, and you're feeling better about yourself.

Also, take a couple of measurements. This is what I measured:

Chest: 38 inches (this is just below the armpits and above "the girls")

Waist: 36 inches (narrowest part of the torso)

Hips: 46 inches (widest part)

Upper arm: 16 inches

Current sizes: 16 pant, "Large" shirt

The measuring tape doesn't have to be accurately placed, but be sure to measure in the same place each time. I will try to do this about once a month, because I'm curious myself as to how I'm going to progress.

Record everything you eat or drink, or do for exercise. I use the website at http://www.sparkpeople.com/ for all that - sometimes it helps to look back at what you've done in the past to see where you've done well, and where you need improvement. In the nutrition section, at the end of the day you can see where you've done well... and where you haven't done so well, too. The main thing is to be accountable; to yourself, if to no one else. Also, if you're keeping a food and exercise diary, you are more conscious of what you're doing; you might not "count" a mouthful of pie of a handful of peanut M&Ms if you're keeping a tally only in your head. Plus which, everyone needs a minimum of caloric intake, or your body goes into starvation mode; it hangs onto every single calorie you take in, and you won't lose any weight.

Try to get a handle on what you eat each day. Again, www.sparkpeople.com is free, and gives you all the tools you need for learning how much, how often, and so on, that you shoud be eating every day to lose weight at a healthy rate.

Good luck! I'm praying for you... please pray for me!

Get ready... start a new plan!

2010-03-25T17:33:00.000-07:00

Its time to start thinking about what you're going to do with yourself...

Okay, okay, its time for ME to start making a plan to get rid of some more of the weight I've been carting around.

I've been a good girl since I last blogged. Let me qualify that: I've been maintaining my weight loss, even though I haven't lost much more weight, and I'm not gaining any back. So, yay to me!

What I'm getting ready for is on April 5, the fam-dam and I are going to start another family version of "Biggest Loser" which has worked pretty well for us as a group in the past.

If you'd like to join us, that's great, but you do it whatever way works best for you and your cohorts.

This is how we do it...

We pick a start day - we've picked Monday, April 5, this time around. Picking a date gives you time to prepare your mind and heart, and to get all the "bad" groceries out of your house without throwing away a lot of money. We've been cleaning out the freezer of ice cream and the pantry of cookies and peanut M&Ms, stuff like that. Yeah, we (okay mostly ME) put them there, but we haven't been really on a binge or anything; we've just gotten pretty relaxed about the healthier stuff.

So, we've got our start date. We're beginning to clear out the cupboards, fridges, and freezers... we have three freezer-places and two fridge-places, so that's a bit of clearing out!

When we start our version of "Biggest Loser" we're more focused on exercise and eating more healthfully, and the friendly competition is a good motivator.

Of course, each week we are doing "Loser" each person puts $5 into a kitty. If you lose weight on the weigh-in day, great, and you only pay in $5. If you GAIN, however, you have to pay in an additional $5. At the end of the time frame (we usually go either 8 or 10 weeks), of course the person who has lost the highest percentage of body weight wins, and to the biggest loser belongs the spoils!

So, get ready! If you want to "lose along" with me, just remember - April 5!

I'm already getting excited!

The Funny Thing About Me and Goals...

2010-01-12T03:42:00.001-08:00

Current Weight: 204 lbs.
Working on my come-back

Like so many things in my life, this blog entry started out to be about one thing, but has changed into something completely else! I'm keeping the title the same, even though I was led to turn it, 'cause sooner or later I want to get back to talking about goals... I hope you find something you can use from the following ramblings:

For the most part of my life, I am very goal-oriented. At work that's what helps to keep me organized; there's certain things I want to accomplish in a day's time, and that's how I plot my time. I can set priorities, make changes to my schedule, and change with the time I have left.

One might think that's how I chart my weight-loss goals too. One would be wrong!

I can justify anything. In word-processing terms "justify" means to take a raggle-taggle paragraph with words ending all over here and there and make both sides of it even and straight; neat and tidy. There's al kinds of chaos within maybe, but it sure looks good! That's kind of an analogy for how I look at myself, come to think of it. I'm so worried about the edges and how it looks to the "reader" looking at me that I ignore all the bad words, incomplete sentences, and poor spelling on the inside. I can explain away all the stuff I should be doing and ignore the truth that I find with explanations and apologies.

The definition of the verb, to justify, is what I'm talking about... justify - defend, explain, clear away, or make excuses for by reasoning; "rationalize the child's seemingly crazy behavior"; "he rationalized his lack of success" Synonyms: apologise, rationalize, rationalise, apologize, excuse

The awesome thing about justification is that Christ also justifies us... check this out! This is in the Webster Dictionary: (Theol.) To treat as if righteous and just; to pardon; to exculpate; to absolve. By Him all that believe are justified from all things, from which ye could not be justified by the law of Moses. - Acts xiii. 39.

He takes all the jagged edges of our broken margins and by His sacrifice brings them into perfect line. Our uneven sins and shortcomings are all erased as if they never existed. By His blood, He corrects our typographical errors and makes all our internal words beautiful ones. He spell-checks our wrongs and makes them right. Because of all He gave up for us, we have everything!

I saw a bumper sticker somewhere, or read it in a book or something, "Jesus Knows Me, This I Love" - isn't that a cool way to change a paragraph?

Thank you, Jesus, that You can take the broken edges and poor grammar that is our souls and make them perfect and make US perfect in Your sight. Thank you for justifying us with Your love, as we cannot do for ourselves.

My, How Time Flies!

2010-01-07T16:57:00.000-08:00

Current Weight 207 lbs.

Status - later!

It is sure funny how time gets away from you... seems like just last week I was celebrating all the weight I've lost, at the Casting Crowns concert in November. Even further back than that, January 15, 2009, to be exact, that bald guy to the right and I welcomed our first grandson into the family. A year.

I can't imagine our lives without that little piece of humanity, and I still find it such an amazing gift that I get to greet that little guy every morning, and kiss him goodnight every evening. If you don't have grandkids, get yourself some! There is nothing like the feeling you get when your grandkids are happy to see you.

So. Christmas and New Year's. I'm so glad they come around, but I'm also glad they're only once a year. One of the two most significant days in the Christian calendar and the basis of Christianity, Christmas has become a mixed bag for me. I love the lights, the music, and even (okay, especially) the shopping, but its a stressful time weight-loss wise.

I believe, all things considered, I did okay. Not great, but okay. I didn't eat or drink as much as I usually would have; I didn't bake all the cookies and pies and fudge that I used to; I only had one 4-oz glass of eggnog the entire season - but I drank enough eggnog-creamer-flavored coffee to make up the difference!

Ah, well, my only resolution this year is not to beat myself up overmuch about it, but to get on with gettin' on.

My family and some of our friends have started a "Biggest Loser" pool - each pays in $5 a week for 8 weeks, and if you gain weight, another $5 that week. We'll see who comes out on the other side of the 8 weeks the richer (and thinner!) for it.

I find it is really important to keep my health goals interesting to keep me encouraged and motivated to keep going. I had Michelle and of course the spots on The Morning Cruise at The Joy FM to keep me motivated over the summer and fall, and now I've got daughter Lindsay acting as my Jiminy Cricket to get on the treadmill (Ooh! Freudian slip - I initially typed "treat" mill). The "Biggest Loser" jackpot (if I were to win it) would help me to purchase some more clothing, as my wardrobe is looking pretty thin these days too.

Get (or stay) interested in being healthy - it is so important to your overall mood and success. I read somewhere recently that people who exercise regularly have a better self-image, no matter what their size or health level. Remember - don't beat yourself up over what you might have gained over the holidays, dust off your sneakers and get on out there.

I'm praying for all of us!

A Christmas Shortcut

2009-12-17T17:27:00.000-08:00

Merry Yule, Y'all!

One of my Christmas gifts is that Carl writes the annual family newsletter, so I don't have to. Grin when you think about him complaining that my blogs are too long. Be grateful for the gift! This is only a portion of his annual missive.

See ya next year!

Love and prayers,

Heidi

* \ * / * \ * / * \ * / * \ * / * \ * / * \ * / * \ * / * \ * / * \ * / * \ * / * \ * / * \ * / *

Greetings to all from the halls of the Cutting-Schultz Cooperative Commune:

There have been many new things happening in our lives in the past year.

The first of these being the birth of our most marvelous grandson, Pierson. On the 15th of January we were truly blessed, and overjoyed with an easy and safe birth for both mother and son. It was an excellent way to start out the year...

... In the early part of January after talking a while, we decided that it would be a good idea, at least as far as Heidi and I are concerned, (I can’t speak for Lindsay and Scott), to give up our house and move in with Lindsay and Scott. We remodeled a basically unused formal dining room into a reasonably sized bedroom with a walk in closet right by the babies' bedrooms. Lindsay and Scott kindly gave up their master bedroom to us to take the bedroom by the babies. I believe that this arrangement works, and I thank God that we have two people like Lindsay and Scott in our lives. Without them we would be lesser persons.

Lindsay found that her new job was reasonable and the woman she works for has high regard for her and has given her more responsibilities and a raise. She also works periodically at a law firm, helping out when she can. Being a full time EVERYTHING keeps her busy, but she finds a way to do it all. In addition to all this she somehow found time here and there to work out and lose weight and get in exceptional shape. She look MARVELOUS.

Scott is Scott. You don’t realize just what that says. First of all, he is a great guy, he works hard, he is a devoted husband and father, truly adored by all of us. He is his babies hero, they truly love every minute he has to spend with them. This year he changed jobs to be able to spend more time with his family, while becoming store manager in the new job. He can get such responses of sheer joy out of his children, they both smile and laugh so well for their dad.

Then there is my girl, Phoebe. For some unseen reason she just loves her Poppa in a way I can’t explain. When I come home, she claims me for hers, what a rush. She is such a beautiful girl, but the most impressive thing is just how smart she is. She just seems to “get it”. It is hard to realize sometimes that she is only 2 1/2 yrs old. Some of the things she does, and more impressively thinks of and understands are far beyond her years. Her mother and father can take great pride in her, they have put in the time and love to create a wonderful little human being.

This brings us to “little man” as his Mama calls him. Pierson is such a joy to behold, he just loves life, and is one of the laughingest babies I have ever seen. He is strong and handsome (looking like his Poppa). He makes other people just feel better just by being around him. I have yet to see anyone that can walk past him and not stop and talk to him. Both he and his big sister are fearless which keeps us all on our toes, we fear a trip to the emergency room to get one of them patched up. Somehow they always seem to avoid pain and suffering, thank God for that. We just couldn’t stand to see them hurt. It will happen some day, but I pray that day is far in the future.

We next come to the love of my life, my Heidi. This year has had both ups and downs for her. She has had two places of employment that let her down, the first by not paying what she was owed in wages, the second by eliminating her job after assuring her they would make sure she was employed by them for the duration, then saying she was no longer needed. She had a two month period with no job which was distressing to her. Thankfully she has recently become employed, again with a law firm, and she is happy once again with her employment. The ups have been first being near her “babies”, they give her such joy, and then there is her weight loss. She has done wonderfully, losing in excess of 60 lbs and still going. Through a Christian radio station she got some encouragement as their “Biggest Loser”, getting some free gym time and a wonderful lady to give her time to Heidi as her personal trainer, free of charge for almost 5 months, giving her the basis for her success and a plan for further success. I believe this time is going to stick, she has found that exercising along with everything else works for her. Lindsay has given her a description that I won’t expand upon, yet needless to say, said description is quite flattering to her in its unique way. She, as I previously described Lindsay, looks MARVELOUS, and she hasn’t finished her journey yet. She writes a blog for the radio station at least once a week chronicling her journey, talks to them on the air periodically, our celebrity. At a recent concert for Christian artists “Casting Crowns”, by the way our favorites, she was brought up on stage and recognized for her accomplishment, to a standing ovation, no less. I am truly proud of my wife.

As for me, all is as it always is. I work 12 days and then go home for 2, then turn around and do it all again. I truly love our living arrangement, I not only get my time with Heidi, but also with Lindsay, Scott , Phoebe and Pierson. Jeremy is close by and so I get to see him and Brianna when she comes for his visitation. When not working my time is pretty well accounted for with my family and I wouldn’t have it any other way. At 56 I’m beginning to feel the effects of age physically, but I’ll never grow old in my head, it’s not in my makeup.

Jeremy is doing pretty well. He is working hard and doing his best to be a father that is involved in his daughter’s life. I am proud of the man he is becoming, he sometimes hits bumps in the road, but for the most part he does well. He has been on the job as an electrician for several years with the same company and is well liked there. Brianna is a wonderful girl, very smart and talented, busy with her cheerleading. We are very proud of her and relish each time we get to see her. I am glad Jeremy and her Mom are friendly, it gives us more chances to see her in good circumstances.

Beth is living in the Salt Lake City, Utah area with her partner, Andrea. She moved out there several years ago and has found she loves the area. She is working and contemplating going back to school as life allows. We love her and miss her, but she has her life to live. We talk when we can, but she is busy with her life, as are we. Heidi had the chance to go out and visit just after Christmas last year and said it’s beautiful...

...The last of our children, but not the least is our Allie. She is now 20 yrs. old. Where have all the years gone, all my children are now between 20 and 32, how scary a reminder of just how old I’m getting. Allie is a marvel, mostly up but sometimes down. She has one of the best work ethics I’ve ever seen. Even when she fears she has let herself down she is always looking for a way to fix it. She is doing well in school, nose to the grindstone and all that. The strangest thing for me to face is that for the first time ever, after this Christmas holiday, I will have gone a whole year and not seen my baby girl face to face. How quickly they grow and follow their next steps in life. Allie has a new “beau”. How funny they must look together, since she is 5’ 2” tall and he is scraping the clouds at a mere 6’ 5 or 6+”, something like that. This seems to be serious so far as I can tell. If it leads to something permanent, so be it, as long as happiness plays a major factor. I think it might be a bit harder to be intimidating when looking up at this guy. I was lucky that previous boyfriends thought I was scary, don’t think it’ll work this time...

...The last thing to say to all of you is that we love all of you and wish we had better chances to get together. I had hoped for a possible family reunion next 4th of July, but due to work regulations, planning something that far in advance over a holiday can’t happen. But again, please know that I will call those that I can get a hold of as often as possible. Even if you dread it, I still call, cause some of you don’t know how to dial a phone, or don’t want to. Ma always made it clear to me, especially after I moved to Florida, that communication with those you love shouldn’t be overlooked. You never know , especially at our ages, when you may lose that chance.

As I quote Richard Nixon, at least in part, “Let me make one thing perfectly clear!”, I Love All of You, and you are all often in my thoughts and prayers...

...Carl

Girlfriends

2009-12-07T17:41:00.000-08:00

Goal #2 - Get to 185 lbs by 02/20/2010
10 weeks to go
Goal #2 Starting Weight: 206 lbs
Current Weight: 202 lbs.
Weight Loss This Week: -2 lbs
Total Goal 2 Weight Loss: -4 lbs
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Starting Weight: 242 lbsTotal Weight Loss: -40 lbs

I love my girlfriends. I don't know what I'd do without them some days. Girlfriends are the sisters God lets us choose for ourselves.

There's a group of ladies I have started to get together with from time to time. We met at various functions through The Joy FM. Some of us have been featured on The Morning Cruise, some not. Some of us are writers, and some of us are professional protectors. Some of us are a little on the kooky side, and some of us are delightfully sane. Some of us are struggling financially. Some of us are battling addictions. Some of us have loving families, but some of us are struggling with certain important relationships within those units. Some of us have raised our children. Some of us are still doing that. Some of us are doing that without a partner. We are blondes, brunettes, and redheads, and some of us have forgotten what our original hair color was. Our eyes are brown, blue, hazel, and green.

We have met each other at concerts and at The Joy FM on The Morning Cruise. Some of us have never laid eyes on some of us! Some of us have a lot in common. Some of us have only a couple of things in common. Some of us are quite "talky" and some of us struggle to get a word in edgewise... ya'll know which group I fall into, don'cha?

The one thing that we all share without variation is our love of Christ. We're not all at the same place in our lives, since we are all different ages and backgrounds. None of us are perfect, of course, but we all know that Christ loves us perfectly. We have enough different from each other to keep us interested, and enough the same as each other to recognize ourselves in each other. We pray for each other, encourage each other, and inspire each other.

I know that I could call on any one of my Sisters in Christ with whatever dilemma I was having, and she would be on the run to help me in any way that she could. And the same goes for me - I'd do anything for them. We've gotten through some pretty rough patches in our lives just by listening to what one another have to say about the particular bugaboo that we're struggling with.

I encourage you to start a circle of friends that you can adopt for your own Family in Christ, whom you can be a support for, and who will support you as well. If you've been waiting for someone to approach you, don't wait any more. Maybe God is telling you through me that its time to get started!

New Goal!

2009-11-19T19:01:00.000-08:00

Goal #2 - Get to 185 lbs by 02/20/2010

15 weeks to go

Goal #2 Starting Weight: 206 lbs

Current Weight: 204 lbs.

Weight Loss This Week: -2 lbs
Total Goal 2 Weight Loss: -2 lbs

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Total Weight Loss: -38 lbs

I wanted to get a new goal going for myself, since the Casting Crowns concert is now just a memory and a couple of pictures (and of course my post about how much of a goober I can be). So, my new goal is to get to 185 pounds by February 20, 2010, which happens to be the scheduled Mark Schultz concert in Lakeland.

I don't think that 21 pounds is a huge goal, but it is the next stepping stone, as my doctor doesn't want me to try to get much below that 180-185 pound range before we re-assess my health at that juncture. That's only an average of 1.4 pounds per week, and it is definitely do-able. Now that I am again and just one of the other many listeners to The Joy FM, I am curious to learn just how motivated I am to continue getting more healthy, and this time, to reach my ultimate goal weight.

I do much better when I have a goal, no matter how modest it may be. I'm actually hoping that I can do even better than that, but I also want to be realistic. I lost a LOT of weight the first four months, approximately 2 pounds per week, and that cannot continue at the same pace; I do have less weight to lose than when I started.

Plus which, a great concert at the end of a challenge is a fun thing to do as a celebration, instead of wolfing down a high-calorie, high-fat sweet treat. I love the way that Mark Schultz tells stories in his songs that never fail to tug at my heart, and get me thinking about the Lord. If I get to meet him, maybe I will be a teensy bit more articulate!. Plus, of course, he knows the proper way to spell "Schultz" with all the consonants, so to my mind those are reasons enough that I've already cleared the way with Carl to go to the event (I'll be blogging about THAT later on, I'm sure!).

So here we go! I've got a goal, I've got the motivation, and I definitely have the best wishes and prayers from a lot of people who now know my story. Ya'll really help keep me bolstered.

If you're feeling restless or without focus, or you've just looked away from your finish line for a while, try setting yourself a short-term touchstone or two on the way to your big finish. It is very important to feel good about your efforts, and not be depressed if you've been shooting for the moon.

My prayer for you this week is that you figure out some yard-markers (Aha! The picture finally is paired to my theme!) along the way to your ultimate end-place. And of course, the ultimate end-place is just another yard-marker along the way to the REALLY big finish - YOU know what I mean!

"... I love your work..."

2009-11-15T17:27:00.000-08:00

<<< "Hey, Goober, I love your WORK!"

Signed, Ima Dork

"Judee, judee, judee" >>>>

I knew I would only have about 30 seconds within which to tell MARK HALL of Casting Crowns how much I admire his ability to take scripture and make it not only live and breathe with a message relevant to today, but also to sing itself right into my heart, and how much I appreciate both of the books he has written, "Lifestories" and "Your Own Jesus", and to thank him for the contribution to my faith in Christ that he has made.

What did I say to this man who has made such a spiritual impact in my life? I said, "I really love your work." Not just once but three times. I'm STILL rolling my eyes and shaking my head at myself, and I did it Friday night. It is now Sunday evening. I am a huge goober. The one sentence every hardworking artistic person wants LEAST to hear - "I love your work" - that sounds like I have absolutely no idea who he is, but I want to say something nice, so I say, "I love your work." Freaking lovely. Heidi Schultz, who is rarely at a loss for words, says, "I love your work."

It is just so ironic. I've been such a fan of Mark Hall for so long, since I started hearing Casting Crowns music on the radio oh, four or five years ago, and first heard them live on a rainy night at the Plant City Strawberry Festival grounds. I am such a fan of his that I don't even think of him as "Mark" - I think of him as "MARK HALL" as in "MARK HALL of Casting Crowns."

A completely forgettable encounter for MARK HALL of Casting Crowns, I'm sure.

Talking on the radio and having I dunno how many people stuck in cars that HAVE to listen, or change the channel is no problem. Being on stage with Dave, Bill and Carmen was fun for me. I can stand in front of 3,200 people and wave my wobbly arms around and grin like a ... well, goober, ... and I have no qualms. Ladies in the bathroom told me congratulations and I can piece together a warm, "thank you" like they're neighbors or something. But MARK HALL of Casting Crowns?

If your kids are allergic to peanuts, please don't let them get within 10 feet of me for the next couple of days.

Thank you if you were at the concert Friday night for being so sweet and supportive of me. My next post will be about where I'm going from here!

Have a great week, and get your goobers out to the gym!

And, Mr. Hall? I really, really REALLY love your work.

Final Weigh-in Before Casting Crowns

2009-11-12T15:48:00.000-08:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 206 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: -2 lbs
Total Weight Loss: -36 lbs

Just 6 more pounds before I say goodbye to the 200s once and for all. That'll take me about 3 weeks if I continue the way I have been going, and I think that's good. Right in the middle is Thanksgiving, but this time around I can stick to my plan.

I have finally bounced back from that self-sabotage mode I was in a few weeks back. Probably what helps is that I'm not sitting around the house and looking for things to eat when I'm bored. 'Cause I'm working again! Yay! Go, God!

I've been making a point this first week at my new job to make sure I am packing lunch and snacks for the day so I don't get too hungry and do stupid things like head out to Starbucks or Wendy's or McDonald's (all within 5 minutes of the office). I'm planning to stay disciplined and take my food every day so that I can stay true to the healthy work I've done so far. Plus, I'm so busy that I don't often take time for my afternoon snacks until I'm on the way home from work! Busy is good, very good!

I feel like I'm contributing to my family again, and that is a good thing. Plus I like my clients that I've spoken to so far, and I want to help them obtain the benefits they deserve. My attorneys are great people and I enjoy everyone I've come into contact with in the office. Funny, isn't it, I talk sometimes about attorneys being jerks, but then the ones I work for now and most of the ones I've worked for in the past, with one or two heavy exceptions, are always terrific people.

And Casting Crowns concert in Brandon is tomorrow night! I am so excited. I would be excited even if I weren't getting the amazing opportunity to meet Mark Hall, for whom I have so much respect and admiration, and the rest of the band. I like the way Mark writes the lyrics to songs that are so "in your face" on one hand, but on the other, he never fails to let you know that God is, well, God! His books are the same way. If you've never read one of his books, check them out sometime. I especially love "Your Own Jesus" which is his most recent one to date. I'm reading it again so I can catch some of the stuff I missed the first time around; I read way too fast for my own good.

I hope I see you in Brandon tomorrow night, but if not, I'll be posting about the experience, so come back in a few days.

I'm praying that you have a week of seeing God everywhere around you... in your children's faces, in your reflection in the mirror, in a crisp fall (finally!) Florida morning, in a bird's flight, just everywhere. Be looking for Him, will you?

When I see Him, I'll tell Him you said "hey."

Weigh In Week 17 - "Let Go!"

2009-11-06T18:15:00.000-08:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs

Current Weight: 208 lbs

This week's results: -2 lbs

Total results: -34 lbs

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

I was excited to see my best bud GT at the turkey stop in Valrico this week - he'd helped me immensely a while ago by asking me if I was committed... see way, way, way below for that post. The picture is somewhat sideways, because so is Dan Brody, who took the picture of us! Not in the picture but there also was Leslie, the latte lady. I love these guys!

In fact, I love all the people associated with The Joy FM; artists, DJs, staff, producers, go-fers, volunteers, Brother Jim; just everybody. I've never seen a workplace so full of people willing to help each other out and who all know that their Boss is the best ever.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the chapter in my life that is about to close. I still have a long way to go to get to my ultimate weight loss goal, but the first public part of that journey is just about done. Next Friday night, I'll be at the Casting Crowns concert, and hopefully will get to publicly thank everyone who has ever listened to me on The Joy FM radio station with Dave, Bill and Carmen of The Morning Cruise; anyone who has ever read this blog or prayed for my fight against my all-too-human self and for taking control of the things that I CAN control; anyone who has ever stopped me and said to keep up the good work; anyone who has complimented me on my efforts; everyone! Then I'll be doing this without anyone looking in on me... kind of.

My husband Carl tells me he is afraid that sometimes my faith in God and His role in my life is too simplistic; he worries that I'm going to "let go and let God" without making the effort myself to change my circumstances. He and I don't see eye-to-eye on this issue. I think Carl underestimates God. The Lord has had power over my life ever since I was a child. Somehow I knew, no matter what, no matter how bad things were, that He would be there holding me in His arms. That when the absolute worst things that could happen to me, did, He saved me. When I couldn't do anything more, He stepped in and finished the job.

The job! A wonderful case in point. I've been beating my head against a stone wall trying to find a job. I prayed for a job, one that would help me to make a living, to be able to help Carl with our finances and to work toward solid ground. Last night I had given my unemployment up to God and told Him I had done all I could, if I was to have this job, then could we please get on with it? Boy, when He answers, HE ANSWERS!

You see, God doesn't do anything halfway, not for anyone. He knew I was at the end of my financial rope and that THIS job, more than the countless others for which I submitted resumes and got no answers, was the one for me. Oh, He made me work for it, make no mistake about that! I've worked for two years at jobs that didn't meet my financial expectations. I let a prior employer rob me of my self-confidence in my skills and abilities. I had to sweat it out, and so did Carl, of course, since February 2007.

I found out about the workers' compensation legal assistant job from the placement agency I had contacted, about two weeks ago. The headhunter sent them my resume... no response. I called my headhunter again just yesterday and asked her whether that job had been filled yet and said (only half-joking) that I was starting to feel like I had leprosy. She checked with the law firm, and things started to roll from there. Today I had a telephone interview at 9:30 a.m. At 10:15 the attorney I was speaking to asked me to come to the office... today. I asked her when; she said, "How soon can you get here?" By noon they offered and I accepted my chance to get back into the kind of legal work that I have always loved. I got the job. I got the job!

I know that God had His Hand in this. I'm not saying good things come for everyone who believes, just because that's what THEY want. I still walked through a glass door and lacerated my legs at the age of 12 years, and I still broke my shoulder while biking along Hillsborough Avenue when I was struck by a semi at the age of 15 years. God didn't protect me from those injuries. My father still died even though I begged God to give us more time with him. My aunt still suffered from cancer even though countless friends and family prayed for her to be delivered from that horrible, wasteful disease. My ex-husband still wanted to end our marriage even though we made a vow that we would be married to each other until death separated us. Other terrible things have happened in my life, to me, to my loved ones, and to total strangers, with tragedies and senselessness that have rocked our world with their horrible impact.

What I believed, and always will, is that no matter what happens, God is with us. He doesn't make people do things; we have the free will to follow Him, to do the right things, or not. He somehow takes those outcomes, though, and makes something new from them. Out of every senseless, destructive, horrifying event, I believe that some miracle comes from it.

I know that today is a gift, and I can either use it or squander it. I'm not promised that I will even wake up tomorrow, so I'm trying to live each day the best way I know how - striving not to be lazy or petty, keeping watch over my temper and my language, and trying to be the person God knows I can be. I'm not very successful; I'm horrible at it! Some days I haven't even gotten out of bed and I've managed to mess something up. But I have faith in our Father, that He sent His Son to take my sins upon Himself so that I will live forever.

So maybe my faith IS simplistic. Maybe I DO "let go and let God" too often. The fact that I do, and He does, is enough for me - its everything.

Here's hoping that you realize that your prayers are answered, in whichever ways the Lord sees fit, and that you see His Hand in your life. He gives us strength for the journey.

Standing Still...Still Standing? Weigh-In Week 16

2009-10-29T05:48:00.000-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 210 lbs
This Week's Results: 0 lbs
Total Results: -32 lbs

"Be still and know that I am God" - Psalms 46:10

The yoga pose you see is a real pose - Mountain pose or Tadasana. Looks like she's just standing there, right? Nope.

Bill Martin of The Joy FM's Morning Cruise has gotten into a high-powered exercise/yoga program - is it BMX KX20? Whatever! I know its a bike, but I never remember the name of the actual program. Yesterday, Bill used a website to show a position that listeners had to name to win some concert tickets. I found the website and signed on to get their "pose of the day". This was today's.

It made me grin, for sure, when I first saw the picture. Haven't I been STANDING around most of my life? Apparently, I've been doing it incorrectly the entire time. Who'd a thunk it? According to http://yoga.about.com/od/yogaposes/a/tadasana.htm there are 9 (count 'em!) steps to standing correctly in the Mountain pose. In my head, I hear "tadasana" sounding like "Tah-DAH! Sauna!"

What looks idiot-proof on the surface is actually more complex than one might initially think. You can read all the steps for the pose on the website if you like, but the main thing that stopped me smirking and got me thinking was this comment: "... bringing the body into alignment is hard work. The alignment for Tadasana carries in to many of the standing and inverted poses." This is also the first pose used in correcting back pain and involves every body part.

I didn't lose any weight this week. On the face of having gained last week, I'm pleased as anything. Oh, it looks like I'm standing still again, but actually I feel like I'm still standing! I am okay with this because I know I've kept to my nutrition plan, and I've been exercising as well as or better than I have in previous weeks. I also learned that beating yourself up over past mistakes is self-indulgent, and actually can "help" give you permission to do it again! "Oh, I'm such a failure, why even try? I'm just gonna mess up again." Don't fall into the trap of temptation to be a martyr!

My attitude is "do everything you can to achieve the results you want, and God'll take care of the rest."

I think the Mountain pose is a lot like life as Christians. From the outside we look like we are just standing there, doing nothing, with all the problems of the world, our country, our community, and our family on our backs. But we are led by Christ to be flexing our muscles, balancing, using our strength to help feed others, encourage others, and even inspire others. Oh, we're gonna fail spectacularly at it, too! Being the body of Christ is hard work and full of challenges, and bringing that body into alignment is a constant battle against the rest of the world.

But the important thing to remember and hold onto when we do fail is that we have the safest net to fall into - the arms of Christ. As Psalm 103:12 and Mark Hall of Casting Crowns promises, our sins are fogiven as far as the east is from the west. From one scarred Hand to the other. AMEN! Thank you, Jesus!

I'm gonna go and practice the Mountain pose now... how 'bout you? Ta-DAH! Sauna!

Weigh In Week 15 - "The Light"

2009-10-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 210 lbs
This week's results: +3 lbs
Total results: -32 lbs

I so fervently hope that you might see elements of yourself in my following comments, and that you bring them into the light where you can examine them, and get on with your struggle!

... I gained weight this week - the first time since I began my latest attempt to be healthy and take control of myself... not too bad. I knew early on in my attempts that this was going to happen to me; it happens to everybody... falling down.

We all fail. We all fall so incredibly short of the goals that Christ would have us set for ourselves. That's our human-ness. Its also all too human to try to mask those shortcomings. I've delayed sending in this blog because I felt like such a failure to myself, and to the people who have been praying for me and for my getting better.

Bring your troubles into the light, where you can see them for what they are. Carmen talked this morning about having the beejeebers scared out of her by a coiled up hose in her family recycling bin - in her darkened garage, she thought the hose was a snake and probably woke the neighborhood with her shrieks - again. I can so relate to her story! I've been hiding behind myself for so long that it is hard to break the habit. Instead of talking about it, I've been isolating myself.

I'm so afraid of failing that its easier to quit. Its easier to just stop and say its too hard. That I tried but I just can't do it anymore. That losing 30-odd pounds is enough. But it isn't too hard! I've been doing so well! I know what I'm supposed to be doing! I have only a few more weeks before the Casting Crowns concert and people will see my progress thus far. I'm so NOT finished getting healthy with the end of the concert, but I can look back with pride in a job well done to this point. AND thank God for all He has done to show me the way. And ask Him to continue to guide me in all I'm trying to do.

In his book, Your Own Jesus, Mark Hall has a Discussion Guide at the end. He talks about "Stuck" on page 205 - How does my life reveal what I believe about God? I can't answer that yet, because when I think about that question, all I come up with is what I WANT my life to reveal about my faith in Him. I want to glorify Him in all I do, but I cheat on working out, on getting healthy, and even on continuing my search for work. I delay what I should be doing, and instead do the very things I know will sabotage myself.

I know I am not alone in this, man has struggled with his human self versus his higher purposes for as long as time itself. Paul says in Romans 7, starting at verse 21,

I find therefore the law of my nature to be that when I desire to do what is right, evil is lying in ambush for me. For in my inmost self all my sympathy is with the Law of God; but I discover within me a different Law at war with the Law of my understanding, and leading me captive to the Law which is everywhere at work in my body--the Law of sin. Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Thank you, so much, Lord for Your goodness, grace, and mercy! Without You, we are wretched, criminal, base, and condemned forever to death. Because of Your sacrifice, we are Your children, uplifted, forgiven, and forever cleansed from our sinful selves.

What kind of parents would we be, that when our children falter and fail, that we withdraw our love from them? We can't fix our kids (believe me!), but we can love them, pray for them, and be there for them when they call out to us. And God, being the Father of us all, does even so much more for us, His children, when we call on Him.

So... LIGHT! Christ is the Light of the world, and we who follow Him will have eternal life in the Light and never walk in darkness again (John 8:12). Bring your failings out into the Light of Christ, where you can see them, pray about them, talk about them, and get on with fixing them!

Weigh-In Week 14 - "Becoming Visible"

2009-10-14T05:35:00.000-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 207 lbs
This Week's Results: -4 lbs
Total Results: -34 lbs

I went to the grocery store yesterday afternoon. I don't dress up for this, although I like grocery shopping, but yesterday I was particularly "dressed down" - I had on workout clothes - sneakers, bandanna folded up like a sweatband on my head, no makeup, the whole nine yards.

Thus attired, I wended my way through the store, and finally I entered the produce area and picked up what I needed, and started towards the cash registers. As I rounded the corner near the Latin produce, a man about my age started speaking to me in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish except in mainly food terms (go figure!), and I told him so. He laughed, and said, "You don't speak Spanish?" and we started talking together in English. He introduced himself, I introduced myself, and he told me he had been looking at the plantains for a meal he was cooking that night. We talked about Latin food for a little bit, his homeland of Puerto Rico, my childhood in the shadow of Ybor City; a nice little conversation, and then he asked me if I was married.

He asked me if I was married! This guy was actually approaching me to... ask me for a date? Invite me to his home-cooked dinner? I stammered around a little bit and eventually held up my left hand with the wedding ring on it. He expressed some tactful disappointment or other, and told me I was "looking good." I wasn't fully listening to him at that point, because I was quietly (I hope) freaking out. I thanked him, told him to have a nice day, and we parted company.

I giggled to myself through checkout, the parking lot, and when I called Carl to let him know someone had tried to pick me up. I haven't had that happen to me in quite some time, obviously, given my "smooth" reaction.

I'm becoming visible to other people, but I don't think its because I've lost weight - its because I feel better about myself. Because of that, I don't avoid eye contact when someone catches my eye. I have more interest in other people, and I think that reflects on my "aura" or whatever it is, and I have become more approachable.

It still freaked me out, obviously! I'm going to have to get used to this.

I'd like to think that maybe he saw something of Christ inside me. Maybe I was approachable for him because what I saw in him was another child of God who was simply making conversation. I wasn't being predatory; neither was he. So after I got over my giggle-fit I just prayed for him, that if he was looking for another person to connect with, to share a meal or a cup of coffee or friendship, I hope he finds it. Because he was a nice guy, he was respectful and funny, and he treated me like a person, not a target.

Make yourself approachable to someone today. You never know how much you might be brightening their day by a few simple kind words.

"Taking Measure(ment)s"

2009-10-13T09:51:00.000-07:00

From July 13, 2009 to October 13, 2009:

Chest: 44.13 inches/42.5 inches; -1.63 inches

Waist: 41 inches/39 inches; -2 inches

Hips: 52.75 inches/49 inches; -3.75 inches

Bicep: 18 inches/16.75 inches; -1.25 inches

Michelle, Shapes' most amazing, wonderful personal trainer in the whole wide world (I'm given to over-using superlatives, but in Michelle's case, they're well deserved), took all my measurements when I met with her Monday night, and I actually remembered to ask her for the results so I could post them. If you're in the midst of getting healthy, and you haven't already done so, take some measurements and keep track of them. They will surprise you, especially during weeks where you don't feel you've lost enough weight, or it isn't coming off as fast as you might like (there are healthy guidlines for how much weight you should lose - check out www.sparkpeople.com for free help on exercise, nutrition, goals, and so on!).

I've done really well in whittling myself down, and I've improved in other areas as well. I have better balance, better stamina, better posture, less back or leg pain, more self-confidence, and an overall better attitude about almost everything!

I've gone from a lean mass of 145.48 pounds and fat mass of 97.52 pounds, with a body fat percentage of 40.13, to a lean mass of 134.98 pounds, with a fat mass of 77.92 pounds, and a body fat percentage of 36.60. I've dropped lean mass of almost 10%, fat mass is down almost 8%, and my body fat percentage is down almost 10%. I've lost over 12% of my starting weight. I have a way to go, of course, but I kind of feel like I'm entering the home stretch.

This is where I begin to endanger my struggle, and get lazy. Like so many others, I am a master at sabotaging myself. I've been slacking off on exercise, not getting to the gym or just exercising at home at least 4 days of 7. I haven't been keeping track of my nutrition, which means I might be shorting myself on some key elements like protein or carbohydrates. I haven't really fallen off the wagon with eating really bad food, but how would I know for certain, if I'm not keeping track? Faded ink is stronger than a "convenient" memory. I'm not drinking as much water as I know is healthy for me. All of these can have some bad effects, to say the least, the most important being weight gain and increased depression.

I didn't stop doing EVERYTHING in one day; and I didn't stop doing what I was doing all at once. When I'm slipping slowly down that slope, I don't even notice what I'm (not) doing; not all at once. Its like realizing that I'm addicted to food - it simply never occurred to me, because I wasn't facing the truth. I think its the same for everyone, regardless of whatever discipline we're trying to master. Mark Hall of Casting Crowns says it best in "Slow Fade" I think, where he says:

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

I know Mark's talking about something here way more serious and sinister than me keeping to a healthy regimen, but the same principle applies and the decline is no less destructive... The lines blur, and the discipline you used to keep out of the fridge, to get in the gym or out on the hiking trail is the very same as compromising your principles, or taking just a little peek at pornography, or engaging in vicious gossip, or feeling superior to someone else because you've "got God"... when we love the Lord, we've got to marshal ourselves and keep to the proper paths. When self-discipline fails, everything else around us begins to deteriorate.

So! Time to catch myself up by my bootstraps and go on as I intend to continue. My favorite fictional childhood heroine, Anne Shirley, said that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet, and I'm taking that thought to heart and making her "tomorrow" my "today."

My prayer for you, dearest ones, is that you keep your eyes on the horizon and your heart on the Lord. He calls us all out of our safe little boats and invites us to walk with him (reference to another Casting Crowns song, I just can't help it), and face our fears. It ain't easy, but He didn't promise it would be. He promised to be with us always, to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20). I'm sure counting on that.

In the meantime, its time for me to get to the gym.

Time Passages - Weigh-In Week 13

2009-10-08T13:05:00.001-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs

Current Weight: 211 lbs

This Week's Results: -2 lbs

Total Results: -31 lbs

My Dad Carl and Mom Joyce ==>

circa 1996

So many things happened this month already... October 2 was the 11th anniversary of my Dad dying of cancer. October 1 was my aunt Janet's turn to see the Lord face to face, finally laying down her long battle against cancer.

Its kind of weird, how time passes. It seems to telescope in and out for me all the time. Eleven years Daddy's been gone, but sometimes it still seems so fresh. I feel like I was just getting to know him as a person, rather than the complicated personage I always recall from my childhood.

Growing up, the five of us kids two aunts, Janet, and Joan, my mom Joyce's sisters. Daddy was an only child, so no aunts or uncles there, but his dad had 4 younger sisters, Lillian, Marion, Margaret, and Evelyn; and a baby brother, Ralph; so we had lots of great-aunts and uncles. There are something like 70 Boettger relatives in our family tree, and that's the siblings starting with Pop-Pop, or Carl, Sr., his siblings, their spouses, nieces and nephews, my Daddy and his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren.

Mom is the oldest of the three girls, then Janet, and Joan was the baby. I think I get my sardonic sense of humor from Mom's side of the family, and Aunt Janet was the queen! Mom is a much nicer person, like Aunt Joanie, but Aunt Janet always got her little zingers in on her sisters as well as Grandma and my great Aunt Florence, which cracked me up. Grandma and Aunt Florence were sisters, and Aunt Florence lived with Grandma and Gramps from the time they married, I think.

Daddy grew up in Ridley Park, which is 15 miles south of Philadelphia, and Mom moved there from Tower City, Pennsylvania, when she was 12 years old. They were NOT high school sweethearts until senior year, because Mom said Daddy was really annoying.

But I digress. Aunt Janet graduated from Drexel University in 1958 with a degree in home economics and education, I think. She returned to college and earned a degree in Medical Technology from Our Lady of Angels in 1981. She lived in Delaware after marrying Uncle Jim, in the same house in Claymont, until she died. She was a medical technologist at Chester County Hospital until 2006 when she had to retire due to her health. She also volunteered at DuPont Hospital, swam almost daily, played bridge, and traveled. Boy, did Aunt Janet travel! She and Uncle Jim lived in Turkey during the early 70s with their children, Jaime and Jennifer, while Uncle Jim, an engineer, helped to build oil refineries. She went to Egypt, Asia, Europe, all over the world.

We didn't get to see much of our Northerner relatives, but when we did it was like we'd always been together. I saw my first ever fireflies at Aunt Janet's house. I remember running around the yard gathering them up and putting them in a Mason jar with Jaime and my sister Amy, and then releasing them in the bedroom at night. What a cool thing to see, blinking little lights in the jar, and then witnessing them softly rise out of the jar and take over the whole room! I think we did the same thing another time, but with baby frogs, when they came to visit us in Tampa.

I really miss my Dad, and I'm already feeling the loss of Aunt Janet's presence in my life, but there's a huge caveat to those emotions. BUT! Daddy and Janet were both devout Christians, believing in the grace that the Lord extends to everyone who believes in Him, all of their lives. The best thing about being a Christian is knowing with all your being that death is not the "forever and forever" end.

When we go to Heaven, I hope we get to continue to have a window in on our loved ones, to see how they're doing without us. If so, I'm sure Daddy is very amused by his great-grandchildren as they are born and grow teeth, and learn to crawl and walk, and speak, and develop their little personalities. I'll bet he whispers in Pierson's ear at 3:00 a.m. that what he really wants to do is wake up and make his parents play with him until the alarm goes off. I'd also be willing to bet that he is the one who is enticing Phoebe to act like a crazy child at bedtime.

Here's my prayer for the week. Please, if you have a dispute with someone you love, patch up your differences. Love on them, tell them you're sorry, or let them apologize to you, and mend those bridges, or at least try. You can't control how someone else will react, but you can extend the olive branch. We know neither the day nor the time when we won't get a second chance to fix things.

...Maybe my next entry will be about weight loss!

"Choices" - Weigh In Week 12

2009-09-30T05:20:00.000-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 213 lbs
This Week's Results: -6 lbs
Total Results: -29 lbs

Boy, oh, boy, was there insanity going on The Biggest Loser this week!

The week's theme was about choices, hence my title today. There were quite a few bad choices, all apparently made by Tracy. First, she chose to take a 2-pound advantage at weigh in, which resulted in her and Coach Mo to have no support from trainers Bob and Jillian the entire week. Jillian was particularly unhappy with her. Bob and Jillian took an hour from everyone else to counsel Tracy about knee-jerk reactions. Then, after that session, Tracy ignored everything they said, and chose to eat four 100-calorie cupcakes to win control over whose individual weigh-in would count for each team. Basically, she talked to each team member, and whichever member she was asked to have count, she chose the other one and threw everyone under the Greyhound. Great strategy - that is, if you want to alienate yourself from every other person on the ranch; trainers, contestants, as well as probably your teammate. Be careful of your choices; they have long-term consequences.

I'm being critical and judgemental of Tracy, and I don't give a hoot. I was really pulling for her when she collapsed on the beach and was hospitalized for the first about 10 days. She's hardly been there! This was week 3! As Bob said, don't get crazy and immerse yourself in game-play until the end! Jillian would have done her bodily harm if she could've.

The rest of the contestants showed such integrity and team spirit, though. At the physical challenge, they had to tote either one 25-pound container at a time a long distance or two 5-lb containers at a time a short distance, up a large ramp and into a bin. Total weight to move was 125 pounds per person, 250 pounds per two-member team. The winning team got immunity. But, once the green team won, all the other participants continued bringing up their containers until they finished the challenge. What a great choice. Integrity! Just because you don't come in first, keep plugging until you're finished. Team spirit! They were shouting encouragement to the rest of the contestants as they struggled to finish. Afterwards, they all came up on top of the ramp, joined hands, and held up their arms in a celebration of victory.

After weigh-in, thanks to Tracy's machinations, it was down to red team Antoine and Sean and orange team Danny and Shay. Antoine and Sean asked to let them go home, rather than the orange team. Shay was a basket-case. She grew up in foster care and lost her mom to drug addiction at an early age, and is always been struggling with self-appreciation and her weight. She was the record heaviest person ever on The Biggest Loser when she started. She asked the group not to send her home; she wasn't ready, and I think said she'd be lost if they let her leave. She talked about always being alone, and digging herself out of the dirt, and was just heartbreaking to watch.

Because of their sacrifice, Antoine and Sean went home. During the aftermath interviews, they had both lost over 100 pounds and were getting healthier and stronger. Sean, a youth pastor, and his wife are expecting a baby girl any day now and are going to name her Jillian. Antoine, a loan officer (I think), and single man, is in love with Alexandra, the contestant from week 1 that was eliminated! God is amazing in how He works out our messes to the greater good!

I saw and heard God all through this episode, in Tracy's bad choices actually working out for Antoine and Sean. Tracy's lost any credibility she might have had with the others, though. She lost 11 POUNDS this week. No one applauded or congratulated her. I hope she wasn't surprised, after her betrayal of everyone, including her teammate Mo. I saw God when Allen told Shay, "You never have to face any challenge alone." I heard God when Abby was told she had a tibial stress fracture and she said, "I'm not gonna lay down," on alternate exercising to stay in the game.

Satan is the master of distraction! He places these challenges in front of us. He dangles temptations that look like smart choices in the short term, but are actually HORRIBLE options in the long term. Tracy had control of the game this week, but she's going to pay in following weeks because I believe everyone is going to go out of their way to avoid her. I think Jillian will actually go after her! Tracy's got her own bugaboo this next week, because she has a muscle injury that will keep her out of the gym... Coincidence? Karma? Either way, she is reaping the "benefits" of her choices, as do we all.

Jesus didn't lay down. He sacrificed Himself so we could lay down our sorrows and troubles on Him. He gave us EVERYTHING; we who are nothing without Him. Our Father takes our bad decisions and hurtful words, and turns them around to the good. Oh, not when we would have Him do it; it may take seconds or years for Him to finish it out. But I believe He does finish everything. After all, He is the Beginning and the End, all praise to the Lord!

I'm praying for GOOD choices this week. One of my choices (and privileges) this week is that I'm going to be at The Joy FM radio station on Thursday, October 1, for the kickoff of the Sharathon fundraiser, from 6 to noon. I'll be answering phones and taking pledges, and I hope I'm busier than a bee swarm (HInt! HInt!) with a potfull of spilled honey.

Sailing, Sailing... Weigh In Week 11

2009-09-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 219 lbs
This Week's Results: + 5 lbs
Total Results: -23 lbs

Carl, Lindsay, Scott, Phoebe, Pierson, Lindsay's nanny Kacey, Kacey's sister Kelcey, Kacey's son Jeremiah, and I all went on a cruise to Cozumel, Mexico, this past weekend. We left from the port of Tampa on Thursday and returned on Monday.

We had a pretty good time! Lindsay, having a HUGE amount of energy, did lots and lots of things with Scott and the babies on board as well as taking an excursion in to Cozumel to Playa Mia (or something like that), on our day in port in Mexico. Carl and I kept to the duty-free shops right at the port itself, having already "done" Cozumel several years ago.

Lindsay was very impressed (and not in a good way) with how the people live there, outside of the tourist area. They somehow got off the main drag and saw some houses that were open to the casual observer, and she saw flimsy one-roomed shacks, hammocks rather than beds, and tiny spaces for large numbers of people in one dwelling. She also said that everything was very dirty (I remember that too), and there were huge iguanas just wandering around the streets. She said she has a new appreciation for the material things that we have in this country, even though we are currently so economically tight. That's the good thing about international travel, whether its on a mission trip or a vacation, you get to see how the rest of the world lives. After all, there's no place like home.

The cruise line employees also opened our eyes as well. We met staff that were thrilled to be on board ship, and had been under contract several times, as well as others who couldn't wait to serve out their time and return home. We met people from the Ukraine, Germany, Peru, India, Australia, England, and just all over the world.

. . . Did I keep to my plan? Well, yes, if you know that I altered my plan! My goal on the cruise was to maybe gain 5 pounds, which I did. Coming off of the flu that I'd been fighting for basically the past two weeks, and the expected gain from that, I think I did not too bad. Although I never visited the gym, Carl and I walked the ship a few times each day. I was still coming off the flu thing the first couple of days on board, so I was very, very careful with what I ate or drank during that time. Good thing, I didn't sample the chocolate melting cake until maybe dinner night 3. Carl and I even danced our last night, and tried to get Phoebe to join us.

Don't ask me what the expression on my face has to do with the invitation, 'cause I'm sure I don't know!

Time to get back to reality, though. Emilio isn't here to serve me the most excellent chocolate melting cake ever in the world, or to bring me the rolls he found out were my favorite from day one. I wish Iwayans was here to turn down my bed and leave me chocolates on the pillows. I miss the cabana boys, too, who fetched us drinks anytime we looked in their direction. I miss the sensation that time wasn't moving, just the boat. I miss that Carl had to go back on the road the very next morning, after having him with me 24/7 (well, more like 24/5!).

But, I have stuff to do as far as getting and staying healthy, and November 13 will be here before we know it. So, back to the job hunt and daily life!

My prayer for you this week is that you are keeping to your goals, or if you've fallen off the wagon, please get back on it and keep trotting along! Call me next week at the station, 'cause I'll be taking pledges for The Joy FM Sharathon next Thursday and Friday mornings.

Do NOT Try This At Home! Weigh-In Week 10

2009-09-11T06:53:00.000-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs

Current Weight: 214 lbs

This week's results: -13 lbs (*)

Total Results: -28 lbs (again, *)

I have commented before, somewhat smugly, I am sure, that if one could begin a diet on day 1, and have all the desired weight gone by say, day 7, we'd all be dieting, we'd all be thin and healthy, and we'd all probably be self-righteous, sanctimonious prigs! "Prigs," Mom, not "Pigs"!

Well, I didn't lose all my weight in one week, but my immune system sure tried hard! I've been down with a stomach virus (and by "down" I mean I may as well have been fertilizing daisies) which began its insidious way into my digestive system last Friday.

I won't get into the nastiest of details, let's just say I couldn't keep any food down or inside my body in any way. Body aches, chills, but interestingly no fever, dizziness, nausea, the whole Pepto Bismol jingle thingie. I couldn't keep any medication down, either, and I quit trying by Tuesday, so I actually saved money this week not only in groceries but in drugs as well.

Exercise? Well, I did several wind-sprints to the bathroom, but I don't think they count. I'm giving myself the weekend to get over it all and start fresh on Monday. Michelle won't know what to do with me.

In the past week, well, since Sunday, I've had 4 or 5 graham crackers, about a dozen Saltines, maybe 32 ounces of chicken broth, ginger ale (the real stuff WITH sugar), and 3 vanilla wafers (a huge mistake). This morning I had a slice of wheat toast, dry, with a little sugar free fruit spread on it. I'm going to splurge today and get some take-out won-ton soup without the won-tons! Yum. I'm still afraid to eat much of anything. Lindsay made crockpot lasagna last night, which was the first food cooking I've smelled that didn't make me miserable.

Here's the (*): The only bad thing about losing so much weight so fast is that I know it isn't "real" - how could it be? I lost lots and lots of water weight, but I don't feel like I "earned" it. So, next week I am expecting a gain. Don't be surprised!

Anyway, God is good, I'm feeling better, I might even get to pick up my final paycheck from the ex-boss today (yes, I'm still unemployed), and maybe catch up on my laundry. Doing the split-pea soup scene from The Exorcist has sure taken its toll on my supply of fresh sheets.

God love ya'll! My prayer for you is that none of you get this stomach virus. Have a great weekend.

From Friends to Impulsivity (Is that a word, Bill?) Weigh-In Week 9

2009-09-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

Starting Weight 242 lbs (7/13/09)
Current Weight 223 lbs
This Week's Results -3 lbs
Total Results -19 lbs

"Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver and the other, gold."

I gratefully accepted an invitation to come to The Joy FM studios and do a live interview with The Morning Cruise, also known as Dave Cruse, Bill Martin, and Carmen Brown, on Wednesday morning. They are such a blessing to me, as well as so many other people in the station's listening area.

The gang on The Morning Cruise are such a good audience - they laugh at everything I say that my family either roll their eyes, or heave a huge sigh and go on as though I didn't say anything at all. I like that in my friends!

Speaking of friends, my best friend, Helen-Ann, and her husband, Dave, are going on a little weekend get-away. I hope they have a wonderful time. I've written about Helen-Ann before; she is like my other half when it comes to girlfriends. She helps me to think outside of my own personal box, so to speak. We get emotional about the same stuff, like contemporary worship, our kids and grandkids (her first is due in November!), music, faith stories, our husbands (Dave is my surrogate spouse, when Carl's out of town and the other 3 of us go do stuff together), injustice, our childhoods, you know, girlfriend stuff. But Helen-Ann comes at things from a slightly different angle than I do, so her slant on a subject may be a little to the left or right of me, but we always end up at the same place together. Helen-Ann always gives me something to mull over. She is very patient, although I don't think she would agree with me about that. I tend to verbally barrel over people; my brain is always running lickety-split, and I feel like I have to leap in with the first thought that comes into my mind... Helen-Ann does not. I am very impulsive. Helen-Ann is very deliberate in speech and action.

I'm sure Carl's reading this and nodding his head vigorously until his Bluetooth falls off his ear. He has chided me many times in the past for being impulsive and leaping off the robust rampart of reason straight down into the abyss of assumption. Did you like that turn of phrase? I just made it up!

Speaking of being impulsive, I think this little character trait (some would say flaw) of mine is what has assisted me with some of my weight gain issues in the past. I have been known to whisk junk food into a grocery cart while shopping with other family members (even as a child!) and no one ever was the wiser until we got home. I've hidden food in my bedroom to save for later. I've pretended "someone else" ate the last 2/3 of a bag of potato chips. I've rolled candy bar wrappers in toilet paper so no one would look TOO closely at my trash (you never know what you're gonna get), and I've flat out lied about how long ago it was that I went to Wendy's when the evidence (trash) was found in my vehicle. These are all signs that I have an eating disorder... well, color me DUH!

Being impulsive is self-destructive and can become an overwhelming problem if you let it. I mentioned Wednesday morning, when I lost my job last Thursday, I started peeling one of my fingernails. I've never had natural nails as long as they currently are, without them splitting and tearing. This is one of the signs that a low thyroid problem may exist. Anyway, I started by peeling off my left pinkie nail as kind of a nervous reaction to being laid off. I recognized that what I was doing was self-destructive, and I was able to stop myself after losing only that one nail. Back in the day, I would have continued mindlessly tearing off all of them until all I had were two hands of nothing but pink nail beds. This time, it couldn't have been more different. This time, Someone helped me stop myself. There was anther Power at work beside my own.

If you recognize yourself in what I just said, you are SO not alone. You are not losing your mind, and you are NOT a freak! You just have a personality snarl that you need to unravel. Get it out in the light (where everything needs to be!) so you can look at it and untangle it!

I have to tell ya'll thank you, before I get any further. Thank you, so very much. Thank you for your emotional support, thank you for reading my blog, thank you for listening to me on the radio, and just plain thank you! I feel your prayers lifting me up, and I am so grateful for them all. Thank you, Michelle, for so generously offering me your time and knowledge. Thank you, Dave, Bill, and Carmen, for the moral support! I know you don't think it adds up to much, but it means the world to me.

Carmen said a few times Wednesday that she prayed if it was God's will, for her to stay in this central southwest Florida community for the rest of her days. I second that emotion!

This is my prayer: Ya'll have a safe, peaceful, contented Labor Day weekend. And if you have to work during the holiday, thank the Lord for your job. I'm still hunting, and can't wait until I can start whining about "having to go to work"!

Adversity - NOTHING to do with Weight Loss

2009-08-27T12:08:00.001-07:00

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. Sir Winston Churchill
If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength! Proverbs 24:10 (NIV)
Today I am a pessimist, and I am very small in my strength.
I am not a fan of adversity. In fact, I don't know anyone who is a fan, except maybe a few lawyers that I know. However! They don't like PERSONAL adversity any more than the rest of us do.
I'm not being mysterious on purpose; today I lost my job. Well, that sounds like I lost track of it... I was laid off. Economy, don't you know, and things didn't pick up like the boss expected. So,... lost. Job, not me.
The last time this happened I was seriously knocked for a loop, this time, I was kind of expecting it. Like I just said, things didn't work out for my boss like he expected.
For 20 years, I was a legal secretary, and a pretty good one, if I do say so myself, but so have the lawyers I worked for, so I'm not bragging on myself; I'm working up to something. I worked at the last firm for 7 1/2 years. My attorney was a named partner in the firm, and she and the managing partner had some conflicts. He (managing partner) did not live up to the promises he made, and eventually MY attorney decided her services would be put to more fruitful use elsewhere. So she resigned, left the partnership, and moved on to greener pastures. Where she went would have been a very long drive for me, and she didn't take any of her staff with her. The managing partner assured me I would still have a place with the firm, but two weeks later I was let go "for business reasons" - that is, I probably reminded him of his empty promises every time he saw me, and he knew that I knew that he had not kept his word multiple times.
I was devastated. I wanted closure from this but never got it. I saw the managing partner at a parade the following Christmas and he greeted me as though he had just seen me at the office or we were long-lost friends. I didn't know what to say, so I just looked at him in silence. He eventually said, "Merry Christmas," and moved on. I LET HIM take away my sense of identity; I was a GOOD legal secretary. I was a GOOD person; I let him steal my confidence in myself. I questioned my skills, I questioned everything about the job I was so proud of, and I questioned my value to anyone.
I started working for a foreclosure reporting company, which was amazing at the beginning; I was earning a very good salary, better than the law firm, but due to mismanagement the company stopped meeting payroll and allegedly went out of business. I lost several weeks of salary in that job, and have never recovered it. I worked for another similar company, for less than half my salary, but the owner was also slow to pay, due to booming foreclosures and shrinking subscriptions to the company, and I left that job as well, to work for a guy who had a company appearing at foreclosure auctions as the mortgage-holder representative. This is the job I just..., well, lost today.
So now what? What does God have in mind for me? Am I supposed to go back into the secretarial workforce, if any jobs are available? What am I to do? Am I afraid? You betcha! Carl and I already lost our home to foreclosure because of my job twists and turns from the past 3 years. Financial problems are the chief source of marital strife... we don't need this!
How trivial this may seem to you, if you have a loved one (Carmen's mama comes to mind very strongly) who is seriously ill, or are facing your own mortality. But this is huge. Its scary, and it smells horrible! I don't like it, and I want God to take it away!
I sound like a child, don't I? I feel like one, alone and small and afraid and powerless.
But I'm not powerless. I can find another job. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm trying to be excited about it, even as my throuat feels like its coming out of my skin and tears are splashing on my yet-to-be-seen-again collarbones. I know He will guide me out of this, but right now I'm just scared. And I think that's okay with Him. Bill said on The Morning Cruise the other day, essentially, pastors who tell their congregations that being Christian is all morning glories and sunshine should go back to semiary and re-learn the true meaning of Christianity.
Praise the Lord, oh my soul! I love Psalm 103 in its entirety, but especially today 15-18 (NIV) for these verses:
As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is
gone, and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting
the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children—
with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.
I think what David was trying to say was, "This too shall pass. So, get over yourself!"
And, so it shall, and so shall I. Maybe tomorrow.

Weigh In Week 8 - "A Veggie Tale"

2009-08-26T14:24:00.001-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 226 lbs
This Week's Results: -1 lb
Total Results: -16 lbs

Since we're trying to eat more healthfully at our house, Lindsay and I have been poring over the many Weight Watchers and Cooking Light cookbooks that I have, and have found some new favorite recipes, like N0-Meat Loaf and Eggplant Rollatini.

While reading a local newspaper this afternoon, I saw a suggestion for making spaghetti sauce with eggplant instead of meat, so I developed the following recipe for our dinner tonight, since we just happened to have an eggplant handy!

Heidi's Eggplant Pasta Sauce

1 cup raw onion, chopped
2-3 cloves minced garlic
1 large eggplant (about 1.5 pounds), peeled and cubed in about 1" pieces
1 TB extra virgin olive oil
3 TB of your favorite Italian herbs (we love Cork & Olive's Taste of Tuscany)
1 tsp salt (optional; taste first)
16 oz Ragu Light Sugar Free Tomato Basil Sauce
1.5 oz Kraft Parmesan/Romano cheese

In a large pot, saute the onion and garlic in the olive oil. When the onions appear soft and translucent, add the eggplant and Italian herbs. Allow the eggplant to become slightly soft, and then add in the Ragu and cheese. Let the sauce remain on very low heat for about 30-45 minutes, and serve with pasta, spaghetti squash, or use as an amazing pizza sauce.

This sauce makes about 4 servings per batch, with 180 calories, 8.1 grams fat, 0 grams cholesterol, 21.5 carbohydrates, and 7.2 grams fiber.

Note: Be sure to include in your journal the nutrition information for any accompaniment you have with the sauce!

What I learned: I would probably peel the eggplant the next time. If you can't find the Ragu sauce, canned diced tomatoes would do just as well (or better; more texture to the dish).

Hate to Exercise? - Then, Read This!

2009-08-25T13:39:00.000-07:00

Before Michelle put me through my paces with a new workout routine for the week (I get a NEW one every week! That really keeps me motivated - I don't get bored), she took out the tape measure and measured here, and there, and then worked some complicated formula that showed us that my working out is bearing results. I don't remember numbers very well, so you won't see any here, but Michelle advised me that THOSE numbers revealed more to her than me stepping on the scale.

She also said I could share with you some of the other improvements I've made by changing my sedentary lifestyle for an active one (with healthy eating). Michelle rattled them off (cause, like I've said before, she's a GENIUS and knows her subject!), but I didn't recall all of them. So, I did a little research at The Mayo Clinic, where I found seven benefits. I'll summarize their 2-page report for you now.

1. Mood Booster - I've mentioned this one before - it really helps with depression, I'm here to tell you! Exercise stimulates brain chemicals that make you feel happier and more relaxed.

2. Fights Chronic Disease - Exercise helps to prevent or manage high blood pressure. It also helps elevate "good cholesterol" or HDL and lowers triglycerides at the same time. This double whammy helps to reduce plaque buildup in arteries.

3. Helps Manage Weight - Exercise and a healthy diet make this one a no-brainer, right?

4. Boosts Energy Levels - Exercise delivers oxygen and nutrients to tissues, and helps your heart, lungs, blood vessels, just about everything, to work more efficiently, and this is huge! When your body works more efficiently, you have energy to burn!

5. Promotes Better Sleep - Regular exercise helps you to fall asleep, and STAY asleep, and wake up better rested. Of course, if you exercise too late in the evening, you might have too much of that energy from #4 to fall asleep, so try exercising earlier in the day if this happens to you.

6. Light the Candles - Okay, if The Mayo Clinic says it, I'm gonna too. Exercise can improve your um, romantic life, too. It just, well, it makes certain functions improve for both genders, okay?!

7. Exercise Can Be Fun - Yes, it can! I'm having a blast. If you don't want to spend time in a gym, take a ballroom dancing class, take Fido to the dog park and play chase, play touch football or softball with the kids, get out on your local playground and just SWING! Any activity is better than sitting in a dark room with the TV and a bowl of popcorn, even if it is Orville Redenbacher's Natural Cracked Pepper that I am now addicted to, thanks to Carmen!

I do remember Michelle also telling me that regular exercise helps coordination, balance, and some other stuff, all good. The only "bad" I can see so far is that I'm gonna have to replace some clothing pretty soon. Carl's already drilled extra holes in my favorite leather belt!

Try it. Give it a couple of weeks, and see that everybody is right. Whether you're already fit and just want to boost your energy level, or you need to lose lots of weight like me, exercise is the one-size-fits-all help to a better physical life.

So just get out there and DO IT!

I can do ALL things through Christ Who STRENGTHENS me! Philippians 4:13

"Oh, Yeah, This is SOOOOO Easy" - Temptations

2009-08-23T14:37:00.000-07:00

If you've been following me on this blog and think that my efforts to lose weight cause me no consternation, frustration, or just plain aggravation, think again! I have to be very careful not to allow myself to become ravenous. When I get a little nudge from my stomach, then I need to address it right away.

During the week, that's pretty easy, as long as I prepare. The night before, I weigh out an ounce of dry roasted almonds, grab a South Beach high-protein cereal bar (10 grams of protein!), and decide which fruit I'm going to take with me the next day. Then, the following morning everything goes into my cooler bag with a couple of ice packs, and armed with my 32-ounce insulated mug full of water (coffee/caffeine makes me hungry, so only one cup with breakfast in the morning, and that's it for the day), I head out the door. Then I have a couple of items to take the edge off my hunger until lunch. I'll have one protein item (nuts or cereal bar) mid-morning. Lunch, as I said before, is usually a Subway turkey breast salad. The fruit and other protein I have on my way to the gym in the afternoon. That way, I'm not tempted to turn into McDonald's or Wendy's and grab something that isn't on my agenda these days.

However, weekends are my big challenge! During the week, I HATE when the alarm clock goes on in the morning; I could always sleep later than my schedule allows. But on the weekends, I don't have the alarm clock set, and invariably I wake up before the alarm clock would have sounded "time to get up!" I think this is because I'm middle-aged. When I was a teenager, I could sleep until mid-afternoon, if my mother would let me, and sometimes she did. I could also stay up until 2:00 or 3:00 a.m., but now, if I'm not in bed by 10:00 p.m. there is something really interesting going on. It also seems like the later I go to bed, the earlier I wake up.

So, weekends are less structured for me than the rest of the week, especially since I don't have to drive my children places; they are all old enough to have their licenses (and vote, and go to college, and live in Utah, and marry, and have their own children...). As a result, I don't have a specific schedule for eating meals or snacks, particularly on the weekends when Carl is home. This is not a good thing - I mean our schedule; I love it when Carl can be with us for any amount of time.

Today I went to the gym while Carl, Scott, and Jeremy ran errands and began yard work. Lindsay was multi-tasking as usual, working on her computer and taking care of Pierson. Phoebe had gone on a sleepover. After I got home from the gym, Carl and I ran more errands! We got to the grocery store, and midway through looking at almost every food in pretty much every single aisle, I was getting pretty aggravated. I'd pick up a can or box of food (that in the old days I would just drop into the cart), look at the nutritional label, and put it back on the shelf. Too much sodium; too many calories; not enough protein. Add to that the aroma of cooking food in the deli area, specifically frying chicken and shrimp. Also, there is a McDonald's at the entrance to the store! I love Quarter Pounders without cheese, and haven't had one since this past spring.

I complained to Carl that it wasn't fair! How come this store has all this food that I want but I can't have, but it seems like everybody else can!? I was griping and getting loud and red in the face because I felt so deprived and left out. I wanted a Quarter Pounder AND a large order of fries! Carl stopped me from storming through the store like a spoiled child, turned me around, and in his own calm, no-nonsensical, practical, logical male-brained way, said, "Heidi! Calm down. You CAN have whatever food you want. But if you want to get healthy, you need to choose to avoid the ones that you know are not going to help you lose weight."

I know that Carl is right. I don't HAVE TO avoid eating unhealthy foods, but I GET TO choose the healthy options that will keep me working toward my goal. I was feeling like a martyr; gloom and doom inside the store as well as outside. To carry it further, I don't HAVE TO exercise; I GET TO. We are so fortunate in this country that there are so many options for selecting groceries, but we have to be consistent in living healthy lives. Yet I see the TV commercials advertising the unhealthiest, fastest foods that are presented in a manner that leaves me feeling like I'm missing something if I don't leap into the truck and go get myself that Steak 'N Shake Takahomasak right away.

I am trying to keep my eyes on the prize so to speak, and counting my blessings. I've lost almost 10% of my initial body weight when I started this April (from 251 down 24 pounds, thank you very much!). I climbed several flights of stairs at the St Pete Times Forum last weekend without losing my breath or pausing halfway up. Michelle keeps telling me how physically strong I am. Being able to do these things is the harvest from my hard work.

So, my self-pity party is over, and I feel very much better about the changes in my bad habits, and sacrifices I am making to live a better, healthier life. . .

. . . and Carl is recovering nicely at a rehabilitation center not far from home.

Weigh In Week 7 - "Gravity? Smavity!"

2009-08-20T04:30:00.000-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 227 lbs
This week's results: -2 lbs
Total Results: -15 lbs

How could we measure weight loss success if there were no gravity? We'd have to find other ways of determining an appropriate level of "healthy". What did people do (or care?) before scales came into being? What was ancient society's definition of "beauty"? Which culture would I rather belong to, where my size and looks are considered beautiful NOW?

When I weighed in last week, I posted that I had an issue with the scale. I couldn't get a straight answer! I finally took one last step-up on the scale and used that number, but I was kind of dissatisfied with that this week. In the past, I have pretended otherwise, but I've placed a lot of emphasis on the number that pops up each week - I need to lose weight for my overall health, and the numbers don't matter... yeah, RIGHT. They're also my measuring stick for whether I'm a "good person" or a bad one, in my mind. I'm the "expert" when I do well, and I would do just as well to shut up when I don't do so well.

But I'm off my topic again... If there were no gravity, I could use a tape measure to see whether my body was tightening up. My Shapes volunteer personal trainer Michelle took my measurements when we started my program on July 13, and again on August 13. I don't remember specifics, but the numbers either stayed the same in some places, or were definitely down in others. Michelle has them recorded, and I'll probably chart them if I remember to get them from her one of these days.

If gravity were a thing of the past, no one else would have a weight, either, and then we'd have to just go by appearances - that would help out a lot! Maybe arms wouldn't sag, other parts wouldn't droop, and I would hope that feet wouldn't hurt any more - that'd be sweet. Hairspray would probably have to be stronger, though...

Other than tape measuring or standing on a scale (I'm back to the real world now), I've noticed my clothing getting looser as I get a little smaller. I'm ready to take the size 22 pants out of the closet and jettison them. I've taken them in at the waist as much as I can without having serious saggy-bottom, so they're on their way to the garage. No, I'm not going to keep any fat clothes, except for maybe one un-taken-in pair of size 22 pants for the drama of it all when I get to my goal weight.

Christ is my gravity... I look to Him to keep me grounded, and to avoid taking myself too seriously, or in taking all the credit for what I do, and for how I do it. Anything good that happens in my life, He should get the praise, not me. I had nothing to do with this.

When I called into The Joy FM and talked to Dave and Bill about auditioning for The Biggest Loser, I was just hoping to share what the Casting Director told me. I never expected the rest of this to happen, that's for sure! It was blessings on top of blessings when Michelle arranged a membership at Shapes and offered her personal training services.

Don'cha just HATE it when someone says about you, "Oh, (put your name here)? He/She has SUCH a great sense of HUMOR! He/She has such a GREAT PERSONALITY!" I could never get enough of that. The reason, I think, that I have even an average sense of humor or good personality is that I knew I'd never be able to fall back on my looks.

But, God doesn't see us that way. Jonny Diaz SO got it right when he wrote "More Beautiful You" - this is my favorite part, along with the chorus:

So turn around you’re not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It’s not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who’s strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don’t buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Christ keeps our souls beautiful, no matter how many times we fail or mess up. Every day is brand new! The Holy Spirit keeps us believing, faithful, steadfast, and lifts us when we falter, stumble, and just flat give up on ourselves. Our Heavenly Father shores us up, even when we feel like we're drowning, and holds us in His hands, and tells us that we are beautiful, His own precious children; so precious that he sent His own Son to suffer for our sins and to die, and to rise again, FOR US. All we need to do is believe Him.

So get out there and believe The Good News!

"What's The Matter?"

2009-08-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

My sister's back yard in Salt Lake City, in January 2009. Beautiful in all its starkness and slumber, ain't it!?

...Like an awful lot of people who have an eating disorder, I suffer from depression. Most people who don't have this problem always ask me the same question, when I confess to being in a "down" period... "What's the matter?" I know they mean well, but when the downswing comes, its all I can do to fight it, let alone analyze where it came from.

"What's the matter?"...! I da-know! If I knew what was the matter, I could probably change my situation and feel better. This is what I USED TO DO: I would hide in my bedroom, making a beeline for it as soon as I got home from work. Once it was just Allie and me in the house, and Carl was on the road 12 days of 14, it was easier for me to retreat. The only time I would emerge from my room was to retrieve food from the kitchen, and return empty dishes, and maybe grab a soft drink. Not that this happened every single day, but it happened... a lot.

I didn't even realize I had a problem until probably 2005, Ash Wednesday it was. I was sitting in the second or third pew, and Pastor Roy was preaching. I don't remember what he was preaching about, probably something about the Lenten season (the 40 days prior to Easter which Ash Wednesday begins are typically a season of reflection and self-denial, to honor what Christ gave up for us), and I was sobbing like my heart was broken. "What's the matter?" I had no idea. I only knew that even the most mundane topics sent me into tears.

I have always been drawn to psychology and studied it, so I knew what was going on on a certain level. Plus, one of my sisters had been diagnosed as an adult with ADHD and depression after she graduated from law school (she graduated from college and LAW SCHOOL with ADHD!), and another sister was also diagnosed with depression. As well, I remember that Daddy had taken Lithium for mood swings back in the late '70s. So, I come by it honestly. I don't think any of my family members knew "what's the matter" either.

I saw my doctor, who gave me medication, probably because when I told him what I was going through, I burst into tears. I know some folks may feel that I should "rise above it" and that depression is "mind over matter" but I have to respectfully disagree. At least, in my case, I believe that the medication has definitely saved me from doing serious harm to myself. After all, I have been stuffing my face to stop feeling things since childhood. There were times when if I hadn't been so lethargic from grief, I would probably have killed myself. Again, "What's the matter?" I never could answer. Yes, Allison, I know! Mama just contradicted herself. I've been telling Allie for years that mind over matter is exactly what it takes to get over it, but I've been in denial a long time, for her as well as for me.

The medication doesn't get rid of all the downswing times, but they are shallower than they used to be. Plus which, since I started this very public weight loss journey, I promised that I would tell ya'll everything going on that touches on the trip. I've been fighting a down-time since late last week. I had the conference this past weekend as an excuse not to exercise. But, I pulled myself out of my dark place because I handled it differently than before. This time, I went to the gym. I exercised, and I feel so much better. The Lord sure knew what He was doing when He made endorphins!

I feel very strongly that I've written about this topic because someone needs to read this. If you're reading this and you recognize yourself, please talk to someone. See your doctor, find out if medication will help, or talk to a therapist, a trusted friend, or your pastor. Most pastors are trained in some form of counseling, or will know someone you can talk to. But get help. I didn't seek help for the longest time, and I know I could have felt better if I'd only spoken up sooner.

I Saw Mandisa! At Women of Faith!

2009-08-14T20:13:00.000-07:00

I was really not looking forward to the Women of Faith conference in Tampa this year. First, I posted previously that I had 10 tickets that I had purchased in advance and could not get them sold, thus I am at a loss of about $1,000; money we can ill afford to lose.

Second, since Carl and I moved in with Lindsay and Scott and the babies in March, we've been in-between churches. Although we found one we could be comfortable in, I just haven't been making it to the church whether Carl is home or not. So, I'm kind of ambivalent going into the conference, to say the least... ambivalent, discouraged, a little frustrated, and definitely sad.

Apparently so is my best friend Helen-Ann. She and I have known each other since Carl and I moved with the kids from Tampa to Lakeland in 1990 and joined a Lutheran church there, but I think she's my soul-sister. We both grew up in very similar circumstances, having been girls in the '60s and young women in the '70s, plus which our family dynamics are a lot the same. But I digress!

Anyway, we are both going through a difficult period right now, for various reasons. So we were both feeling like maybe we should've saved our money, or spent it on something other than Women of Faith this year. Helen-Ann's been going since 2001 and I've been following her since 2002.

That pretty much changed when Mandisa got on stage. Not only can that young woman SING, she can DANCE! She started moving on that platform and did not stop until she sang the last note. Every movement was a prayer of joy in the Lord, and every note was crystal-clear and as beautiful as anything you could hear on the radio. For anyone who knows what I'm talking about, most people can barely talk, let alone sing, and move faster than a walk at the same time. It takes a lot of lung power to be able to sing and dance at the same time, and Mandisa did it without ceasing.

If you got to see Mandisa on American Idol in 2006, you know how strong her faith is. She exhibits the kind of True Beauty that I want to follow. I definitely relate to her struggle! I have suffered through some of the same things she did in her childhood and all I can say is, she's my hero. I am also addicted to food, and I am learning and struggling every day to run my life, and not let the addiction run me. Like Mandisa, I am not losing weight because I want to be pretty. I am doing this because I want to be healthy and to do stuff with my husband, children, and grandchildren, not to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else.

Do I want to be attractive? Sure, who doesn't? But like Mandisa has said, I can't let that be my motivation. I was a cute fat chick already; I'll be a cute thinner chick too. If true beauty is from the inside, then whether I'm fat or thin makes no difference to God, and it only matters what He thinks about me anyway.

I haven't even STARTED on listening to Stephen Curtis Chapman, another one of my musical and Christian heroes who was also at Women of Faith this year...! Another post.

You are beautiful to God, and He loves you. Just as you are! If you need to lose weight, or quit smoking, or stop drinking or drugging to be more healthy, or whatever burden you're struggling with, God won't love you more for being successful, and He won't love you less for failing. He just loves you.

Chew on that a while.

Weigh In Week 6 - Scale Battles (Not What You'd Think!)

2009-08-14T19:45:00.000-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 229 lbs
This week's results: -1 lb*
Total Results: -13 lbs

* Depending upon which scale, and where in the room it was at the time

I weighed myself, as usual, Thursday morning, and much to my surprise, the scale said, "224". Knowing there was no way I lost 6 pounds in a week this far into my enterprise, I reset the scale and got back on. The second time it read "234". Again, very concerned that I had gained 10 pounds in the time it took me to get off and back on the scale (about 3 seconds, max), I moved the scale over a couple of tiles and tried again. "228". Better, but I still wasn't satisfied.

I had Lindsay come in and weigh herself, after draping a towel around myself ('cause what's the point of weighing yourself in clothing? It makes for an interesting conversation with the security at Publix, but at home, who cares?). She brought in HER scale and weighed herself first on my scale (okay), and then on her own (about .4 pounds' difference). I could live with that, I thought.

So, Lindsay went on her merry way, and I now had two scales in my room. I got on Lindsay's first, since I had been stair-stepping with my own for quite some time now. That scale said "236". No way! I worked so hard, I knew that couldn't be right. So, I started back on my own scale, and scooted it around my room more than a dog with worms goes "motorcycling" on the carpet! I weighed everything from 224 pounds to 236. Its quite amazing how being in different areas of my bedroom and bathroom makes me heavier or lighter.

Finally, I conceded defeat, and decided that Thursday was not the day for me to weigh in on anything! I weighed again one last time, resolving that whatever number my scale came up with, that was going in my post. It read "229". So that's my current weight, and I'm sticking to it.

I am much lighter in the doorway between the bathroom/shower and my dressing area. That's where you'll find me. I'll be the one with the scale and a crowbar.

(On a "lighter" note - pun intended - Michelle weighed me this last Monday, and by her count I've lost 9 pounds and a few inches here and there since July 10. I'm a happy girl!)

The Doctor says to avoid stress - yeah, right!

2009-08-11T17:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, despite all your best efforts and intentions, things go wrong. The baby decides to party all night instead of sleeping through it. The husband has the flu (which he is SURE is the Swine Flu and means intensive care from you, at home). Your coffee is cold AND winds up spilling all over your pants. There's no more orange juice/ milk/eggs/bread/toilet paper. Your boss says he needs to talk to you, and you know what THAT means these days... pink slip! Your college student child calls from school and says that the $3,000 tuition is due NOW, and dude, where's the check? Or worse. . .

You're stressed, and rightly so. Seldom does a day go by without us experiencing some level of stress. You want to reach for the first item that will "take you away from it all" if only for just a minute, namely chocolate. Or maybe your favorite "get away" snack is something salty and crunchy. Popcorn, or chips? Is there any dip left? Tell me you didn't dip into the kids' snacks! Then, guess what? You still feel bad, but now you have guilty, empty calories nagging at you. If you don't feel bad, then you're already backslidin' into your old evil, self-indulgent ways, honey-pot!

If you don't have the benefit of a personal trainer or nutritionist (and I am so BLESSED to have Michelle, the Shapes specialty trainer, helping me out - I couldn't afford to hire any, for sure!), check out http://www.sparkpeople.com/ on the Internet. I LOVE this website! I log my nutrition and exercise workouts each day on this site. For tracking nutrition, all you have to do is look up the food item and enter the amount, and sparkpeople.com does the rest with calories, carbs, sodium, and so forth. The site even lets you enter your weight, how much weight you want to lose, how long you think it'll take (and they check you on that, trust me!), and all kinds of statistics. You can printout the daily totals in summary, if you like. The same goes for exercise; just find the activity you completed, and enter the total time. Best of all, this site is F-R-E-E!

Sometimes stress really gets to me if I haven't had something to eat - being diabetic, I really need to keep tabs on my nutrition. Now that I am striving for healthier habits, I try not to resort to eating when I become stressed. I've been reaching for ice water instead, or if my stress is hunger-related, opting for a low-calorie snack within my plan.

Here's what an ordinary day of food looks like for me:
Breakfast, I usually have "Grandma Toast" which I included in my last post. I add a sliced banana over the top. Sometimes I'll have a cup of cherries or a medium apple in place of the banana.

Mid-morning, I have a serving of fruit (a cup of grapes, cherries, medium pear or apple) and either an ounce of almonds or a low-fat cheese stick (that's STICK, not STEAK!). Protein is important for me.
Lunch is usually on the run, but I try to get to Subway's and pick up a turkey breast salad. I ask for cucumbers, onions, and tomatoes, and for dressing, just a shot of red wine vinegarette or one of the other sauces that they offer, and with a very light hand. All of Subway's sauces are low-fat and low-calorie, and much tastier than some of the packaged salad dressings they offer. Other times, I ask for a little oil and vinegar.

Mid-afternoon I usually have a South Beach Living high protein cereal bar. Chocoholic that I am, I really like the cinnamon raisin and peanut butter ones the best.

Dinner is usually pretty basic, with a simple protein like lean meat, chicken or fish, tossed salad, steamed vegetables, and rice, sweet potatoes, or whole wheat pasta. Every once in a while I'll have a baked potato with plain yogurt instead of sour cream.

Michelle has recommended that for my weight, I have a range of calories per day of 1,700 t0 1,900. We also keep track of starchy carbohydrates, which is about from 4 to 6, depending on which day I'm on.

My prayer for you this week is that you will be able to handle whatever comes your way, and remember that you are not alone! God is in charge. You know, "when life brings you to it, the Lord will get you through it!"
So, handle your stress, don't let it handle you!

Weigh-In Week 5 - Change Your "Rut" for a "Routine"

2009-08-06T13:37:00.001-07:00

Starting weight: 242 lbs

Current weight: 230 lbs

This week's results: -3 lbs

Total results: -12 lbs

I'll make this short, sweet, and to the point, or at least that's my avowed intention since I've blogged three times this week.

I lost 3 pounds this week. Yay, me!

What's more, my clothing are definitely getting looser, I have more stamina walking around places, and the heat doesn't seem to be bothering me QUITE so much.

I've gotten into a routine as well, and that does make a huge difference. I'm usually a "fly by the seat of my pants" kind of gal, but at the same time, there has been some structure to my madness in the past. I just didn't share it with my husband! Carl is VERY structured. How I married the only sane man in the world, I'll never know.

(Stick to topic, Heidi!) Routine - that's when you do certain things on certain days, and you pretty much keep it that way. Do not confuse "routine" with "rut" however. A "rut" in my humble opinion, is when you do the same things over and over, but what you're doing doesn't make anything better, you never accomplish anything except exhaust yourself. A "routine" is something you do to achieve results. And I'm achieving results!

All I have left is a recipe and a prayer for you.

Grandma's Toast (That's what granddaughter Phoebe calls it at our house)

- 2 oz. low fat, part skim Ricotta cheese

- 1/4 scoop protein powder (or you can leave this out and add a couple drops of extract or lime/lemon juice, to your taste)

- 1 or 2 shakes Cinnamon (NOT cinnamon sugar) to taste (or leave out)

- 1 envelope Splenda

Squish it all together in a small bowl. Total Yield: 1 serving, about 100 calories if you use the protein powder, otherwise about 75. I haven't tried it yet, but you could also make it savory by adding your favorite herbs or salt-free seasonings and have it with crackers or raw vegetables. Phoebe and I like to use Arnold multi-grain sandwich thins. Molto bene!

Thank you, Lord, for all the people you've put in my life these past few weeks to help me to get motivated and to get healthy, as well as to have a better appreciation for all You have done and continue to do for me. Most of all, thanks so much for Your precious Son, Jesus Christ. Amen! Amen!

Have a great weekend, guys.

"Are You Committed?"

2009-08-04T17:07:00.000-07:00

(I don't know what we were doing in this picture, but I don't think we were singing...!)
GT and me >>>----->

I was at the Shoesday morning shoe drop in Brandon on August 4, and got to meet Dan Brody and GT face-to-face. Since there were gaps in time between listeners dropping off new shoes for the orphans in Peru, I took a little time to get to know the guys a bit. Both are wonderful men, God-filled and very, very funny.

I introduced myself to them, and GT and I had a great conversation about the Lord, about getting fit and changing our lives to more healthy ones, caffeine addiction, quitting smoking (and chewing tobacco), marriage, emotional support, family, and everything in between. Yeah, Dan was working and we were chatting. And laughing and hugging, and talking, talking, talking.

Toward the end of my visit, GT looked deep into my eyes and asked, "Are you committed?"

It was like all time had stopped, and nothing around us was moving. Several things went through my head at the same time, and all in an instant. "Committed? To the Lord? To my marriage? To losing weight?" All in that instant, I determined that my answer to anyone of those was an unequivocal "YES!" He continued to hold my gaze for a few more seconds, and finally smiled, and said, "OK."

What GT meant by his question I don't know for sure, but I don't think it matters. I left the Chic-Fil-A and went on about my day, driving to one courthouse, sitting through an auction, driving to and attending a meeting with my boss, driving to the next courthouse, having lunch, sitting through another auction, driving to visit sister Kristin and getting her to cut my hair, and then finally to the gym and my workout. Most of the time I was thinking about GT's question. "Are you committed?"

I have to re-answer GT's question. Up to the instant he asked me, if I were honest with him my answer would have been, "Most of the time." Okay, if I were REALLY telling the truth, I should have said, "Part of the time."

After thinking about the question off and on all day, I figured it out. I don't have to be 100% gung-ho about everything all the time, but every day I need to answer GT's question. Am I committed? Do I really have what it takes to stick to my plan and stay determined to change my life to one that includes watching what I eat and exercising? Am I committed to making sure I take care of this temple that the Lord gave me? Can I stay committed to being worthy of the trust that has been placed in me? Can I commit to getting off my lazy butt regularly and consistently? Can I?

Jesus Christ made the ultimate commitment for us. He took all our wishy-washiness, self-justification, laziness, lying-to-ourselves-and-everybody-else, general and specific sinfulness, broken-ness, cussedness, and ugliness, and made it disappear. God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit forgave us, forgives us always. He's waiting for us to make the commitment to Him, with His loving arms wide open to receive us. All we have to do is say "Yes."

. . . I had mentioned to GT in our conversation that I didn't know why we were HAVING this conversation, but that sooner or later I was bound to figure it out. GT, darlin', I think I got it. Of course I already knew GT was a kindred spirit; he got my analogy about Bill being the "bowl and spoon" right off!

Matthew West helps me out again as well, with his lyrics that hit home Tuesday: "...I don't wanna go through the motions; I don't wanna go one more day; without Your all consuming passion inside of me; I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,"What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions? ... 'Cause just okay is not enough; help me fight through the nothingness of this life..."

I have a couple of Post-It Notes on mirrors in my bedroom and bathroom on which I wrote GT's question so I can see it every day.

...Are YOU committed?

... Be Thankful You Didn't See Me at the Gym Today!

2009-08-04T16:47:00.001-07:00

... Oh, my goodNESS! I was going to take pictures of myself in all my pudgy glory, but decided that I didn't want to sicken anyone.

A little while ago, I figured I've lost some inches, and could justify (I can justify ANYTHING!) purchasing a new set of workout clothes. I've sweated through the 2 I have, many times over now, and figured I was worth the little investment. I bought a new pair of capri pants and a top, both by Danskin. I washed them and put them in my bag for working out. I never tried them on. I repeat: I. NEVER. TRIED. THEM. ON.

I went to Shapes in Brandon this afternoon, and changed my clothes and that's when I saw myself. I never felt so uncomfortable in my LIFE! If I could have worked out in jeans I think I would have. Finally, I got a grip on myself. Then I went out of the dressing area and did my workout. You know how it is when you imagine that everyone is looking at you? Well, I don't think I imagined it! I thought I could hear gasps and whispering, and felt all eyes on me. Talk about being self-conscious! It didn't help that there's a ton of mirrors all over the gym so I could see myself again and again. And again.

On the way out after my workout, I made a point of letting the ladies at the front desk know that they would not be seeing that particular workout clothing until I had lost 50 pounds, and maybe not even then.

Put plastic wrap over the little lady on the right here, and that's pretty much what I looked like, except I have saddlebags on my hips.

EwwwwwwwwwwEEEEE!

Enjoy your day, and I hope you don't get nightmares from my word-pictures.
Pray for ME!

Weigh In Week 4 - Bear With Me While I Ramble...

2009-08-03T11:16:00.000-07:00

(Allegedly 1961 Rambler)

Starting Weight: 242 Lbs
Current Weight: 233 Lbs (July 30)

This week's results: -1 Lb

Total lost: 9 Lbs

I apologize for being behind in my posting; you will see a Week 4 and 5 weigh-in posting this week because of it. We had a little glitch in the blog-world, but all seems to be in order now, thanks to Bill and Leslie! I'll play a little catch-up now, and post again later this week with weigh in week 5.

It seems like I've spent my entire life waiting for something, and wishing it would hurry up. In my early childhood, I waited to be 10 years old so I'd have "2 digits" to my age; then, I waited to be 16 so I could drive; after that, I waited to be 18 so I could vote and purchase (okay drink) alcohol, another symbol of "grown-uppedness" in my mind. In high school, I waited to be married in the worst way (so I was, the first time - I married the first guy who asked me). Once married, I waited to be a mother (in the best way, and I was blessed with a daughter from that first marriage). I spent a lot of time daydreaming about being older, what I would do, and have, and be, when I got to be an adult. I also felt like I was the only person who ever did this.

I'm not the concert flutist I started out to be; I'm not the psychologist I dreamed about being; I'm not an RN, MD, PhD, DDS, or any other letters I can put together that I thought would be worth my wait. However, I am a daughter, sister, aunt, wife, mother, ex-wife, wife again, (step)mother, with "friend" interlaced throughout. I use the word "step" only for clarification purposes and certainly not for emotional ones. My two oldest kids are mine. How does the saying go? I didn't carry them under my heart, but in it. I made a conscious decision that I never would have married Carl unless I could love those children (32 and 30 now) as my own, and have done so, for the past almost-25 years.

I guess what I'm saying is, I'm not anyone special. I'm just an average overweight girl, in person as well as in personality. Too loud, too boisterous in speech, too bawdy in sense of humor, too emotional, too hungry for affection and groceries, too selfish, too thoughtless; just too, too, too everything all the way around!

But I am someone special. I am special to my husband, my mother, my brother, my 3 sisters, my 4 children, my 3 grandchildren, my nieces, my nephews, my in-laws, my out-laws, and my friends. I am special to God. He made me, formed me, put His Hand on me, and blessed me. He knows my every weakness, every horror, every terrible thing I've ever done or been. There are some dark times in my life that I would rather had never happened. There are some bright, shining moments that I will never forget. Both the dark and the light merge together to make me the person I am, with flaws, foibles, and gifts all together.

You are special to God. You are His own creation. He loves you so much that He sacrificed His own Son to die for your eternal salvation. I don't know yet why He led me to this place, this amazing gift, of being able to communicate to you in this manner. I have a voice (thanks, Matthew West); I am living and breathing, and I've got something to say! Maybe it was for this message that speaks directly to you, or maybe it is one I have yet to write. I just know that He loves you. He wants all good things for you, and He is so ready and so waiting to help you. All you have to do is let Him.

Easily said. So incredibly hard to do. Doesn't mean you won't have hard times. Think on the early Christians, and in more modern times. They DIED for Christ. Today's Christians have it easy, in comparison, yet how many times have I failed to show my love for Him because I didn't want to be embarrassed? Too many. In this country, in this day and age, we have nothing to fear. God is so good!

I'm trying to work on this. When I am in a restaurant, now, I pray before I eat, folding my hands on top of the table. I still don't pray out loud (someone might think I'm crazy), I am Lutheran after all (we don't make "spectacles" of ourselves). I'm just keeping on with trying to change little things, like with working out, dieting, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I figured it was about time I gave some of that change to God as well.

I'm praying for you these next few days, that you will make some small change for the good in your life, no matter what it is. Eat less, weigh portions, write a food journal, drink more plain water, exercise, take up a conversation with someone in a check-out line, tell someone you love them, smile at a stranger and say hello (grownups only), pray in a restaurant, and celebrate it!

Weigh In Week 3 - Little Things Mean a Lot

2009-07-22T11:55:00.000-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 234 lbs
This week's results: - 1 lb
Total results: -8 lbs

For those of you who have been listening to The Joy FM Morning Cruise and/or reading my posts, I truly mean it when I say that for me, this weight loss journey is not about the number that pops up on the scale each week. Its about the little things, because enough little adds up to HUGE results! Speaking of which, be sure to send Carmen some new children's shoes for her trip to Peru. Every pair is significant. Check out The Morning Cruise at http://www.thejoyfm.com/ for details.

Firstly, thank you so much for your prayers for Mom. She was released from the hospital late Friday afternoon, with no heart damage or other heart-related problems. She is relating her pressure and chest pain to some peanuts she had eaten as a snack the evening before. Sister Carla and I are saying "miracle." Because of all the prayers and good thoughts, what could have been a terrible problem for Mom came out to be no more than a serious case of indigestion; or was it? The doctors found nothing; no damage, no heart attack, although nitroglycerin stopped her pain; they did not administer antacids. She went grocery shopping Saturday afternoon, and we went to church together Sunday.

I've started looking at my day-to-day life, and watching for God's Hand in it. For instance, have you ever been late for work and driven past a major vehicle accident on your normal route? I have; too many times for mere coincidence. Crisis averted! God's in control.

There are just too many instances in my life where I can see God was watching out for me, and guiding me to make the right decision. For example, a boy was confirmed (Lutheran thing) in Saginaw, Michigan in spring 1967, by a pastor who was subsequently transferred to a congregation in Temple Terrace, Florida. In 1975, that pastor confirmed a girl in the same manner as the boy 9 years before. In 1985, that very same pastor married the couple in Temple Terrace. The kids are Carl and me. How does that happen?! Carl and I both have previous marriages, and children from those relationships. I would've thought God was done with us in the "happily ever after" department. I know of only one way stuff like that happens - through the Lord's guidance and mercy! I can give you example after example of the miracles He has done in my life, but maybe later.

Back to the weight loss efforts! I'm noticing some other stuff, too. While stretching Monday night with Michelle at Shapes, I could reach behind me and grab the toe of my right shoe with a little struggle. The week before, I couldn't do that at all. I've rested my ankle on the arm of a chair and kind of hopped backwards, but that's not very safe (or attractive, let me tell you)! I have almost toppled over a couple of times. Clothes are getting a little looser, too, and I've had to take a few more tucks in my waistbands. "Tucks" is a sewing term; I've always had to sew my britches for a smaller waistband, even when thinner, because I have a (seriously) larger seating area in proportion to my waist. Last pair of slacks, I took in 4 tucks (for about 4 inches) instead of the usual 2. Go me!

Whatever your present bug-a-boo is, look at the larger picture, for some perspective. Then, look at little things that can add up to a major change for you too. Not exercising, eating right, or drinking enough water, and feel like its too overwhelming to start? Start writing down everything that you put into your mouth, including the amounts, and when you have it. Don't try to cut back, just write it down for about a week. Then, look back and see where you could make healthier choices. At Subway, have a turkey breast salad instead of the turkey sandwich with the mayo. Order dressings on the side, dip your fork with every bite instead of pouring the entire amount over your salad. Get marinara sauce instead of alfredo sauce on your pasta. Have clear soup instead of cream of whatever. Try the brown rice; its really not that bad at all! Cook with olive oil or cooking spray instead of butter. Get the dog and go for a walk. Take a 20-oz bottle of water with you and don't come home until its all gone. Never grocery-shop hungry!

You might not see anything right away... I didn't gain all this weight in a day, and I'm betting neither did you. Give it 2 weeks. Don't look at a scale, and stay off the grocery store ones forever - they're not accurate! With my limited knowledge and vast experience of failure at losing weight, I can help you by letting you know what works and doesn't work for me. You take it and use it (or not) for whatever it can do to help you. Most important: Don't give up!

Since starting this very public effort of mine, I feel better about myself, because I'm working on something. I'm nowhere near where I want to be health- and weight-wise, but I'm accomplishing some little things and that always feels good!

I pray that you will see God in some place this week, and recognize His hand in your life always!

Weigh-in Week 2... Life Happens!

2009-07-17T02:24:00.000-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 235 lbs
This week's results: -1 lb
Total results: 7 lbs

"We interrupt your life, Heidi, to bring you... more life"
This was my week:

Monday I got to meet my new friend and personal trainer, Michelle. She is wonderful! She's the type of person that inspires you to do well, because you want her approval. I work very well with her type of person. She's smart, really knows her stuff, and doesn't come at you like she can't understand your struggles. We went over meal plan stuff and then she showed me a strength training routine that I've been following the rest of the week.

Tuesday and Wednesday went pretty much according to plan, except that Wednesday night I prepared a post about all the stuff Michelle and I went over, but my server wasn't working. I lost the entire post, because I'm a goober. I thought it'd be a good idea to re-boot the system. Not a good idea. Apparently there's an "auto-save" backup, but only after I've saved the post once. Never did it. I did learn, though. I'm saving now as well as autosaving every couple words or so.

Thursday, I disappointed and saddened Carl, who just learned that I still have 10 Women of Faith tickets for the Tampa conference August 14 and 15 that I paid for in advance, but cannot find any takers willing to come up with the $99 fee for the event. So I have almost $1,000 out of our account that we had earmarked for medical stuff. Bad enough, but he discovered this when I posted the tickets' availability on Facebook. He's not happy, to say the least. Guys do not like surprises, as a general rule, and I've been surprising Carl for about 25 years now, and probably will for many more to come, as long as he's willing to put up with them. Poor guy! I guess he thought marrying "Lucy" was a good idea. He's the rock in our relationship. I'm the hammer.

Just as my drama was beginning to unfold about the Women of Faith Tickets Thursday morning, I got a call from my sister Kris, to let me know that our Mom had been complaining of chest pains, so she took her to the hospital at about 3:30 a.m. Nitroglycerin reduced her pain, and she's feeling much better, but the cardiologist wants to know why the pain in the first place. Sister Carla visited earlier in the day until she had to go to work, and I got to the hospital about 3:30 and stayed until visiting hours ended at 8:00. Mom's Pastor came and visited with us and we prayed together the 4 of us. Sister Amy called from Salt Lake, and brother Eric called as well. All the sibs are local except for Amy, so Mom has lots of support. Carla called from work and her husband Jeff from home. The doctor said they're going to do a nuclear stress test today (Friday), and Mom went downstairs for some heart pictures just after I left. Kris was going to stay until Mom left her room for the tests. She'd been up since the middle of the night, so I'll bet she slept like a noisy log last night... Kris, Mom and I are world-champion snorers.

So, in the midst of this, I've managed to stay on my program and lose a pound, so go me. The thing I've learned this week is that I have to stay the course. I SO wanted to stop last night and have a big ol' Chic-Fil-A sandwich and fries (I do so love their cole slaw too), but I knew that wouldn't help my long term goals, and that wouldn't do anything for Mom, so I went on home. Lindsay and Scott had gone grocery shopping with the babies, and were putting them to bed by the time I got home. Guess what was on the dining table? Empty Chic-Fil-A bags and boxes. Irony! My sarcastic nature loves it! I had letover spinach, mojo chicken, black beans and brown rice, laughing at myself the entire time. Delicioso!

I'm praying that your week was a little less eventful than mine, and I ask for prayers for Mom and her doctors, and for myself, 10 buyers of Women of Faith tickets. Have a wonderful weekend.

Getting Back on the Horse

2009-07-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Ones:

I hope you had a terrific weekend!

Mine was busy with family and friends. Best of all, Carl was home for the weekend, and we were finally able to visit a church in our new home base. We moved from Lakeland to live with our daughter Lindsay, her husband Scott, and our grandbabies Phoebe (2 years) and Pierson (almost 6 months), about 3 months ago. I'd been trying to get back to our home church at first, but the distance (45 minutes to an hour, depending on traffic) is just too prohibitive for me to participate in choir or any other activities during the week. It also made for some lazy Sunday mornings, since I can talk myself into (or out of) just about anything, like not attending worship... or having that slice of wedding cake!

I hated to leave my friends of 19 to 20 years behind in Lakeland, but there's a comfort in knowing that I've got another place of worship where I can go and be remembered, welcomed, and loved.

I got a huge helping (food reference!) of that on Saturday, as Carl and I were able to share in the joy of witnessing the Lakeland wedding of Frannie, the daughter of one of my closest gal-pals, Barbara, to Michael, the love of Frannie's young life. Pastor Carol's sermon to them touched and inspired me, as all her sermons have in the past, and I got to hear again the divinely inspired musical gifts of Bill, the church organist and choir director. I remembered our own wedding and the joy of that day, and all the days that have followed. I also got to hug and be hugged by Rusty and Arlene, Nate, Courtney, Barbara, Mark, Anthony, Pastor Carol, Brenda and Larry, Dean and Lynn, Shannon, David and Victoria, Bob, and best of all, Big Dave and Helen-Ann, among so many others. Its great to go home again!

I liked the new church and Pastors, and the congregation seems very friendly. The praise team was very good, and the contemporary music familiar. They are active in the community and with each other, and committed to being disciples of Christ. I am sure I will develop and gain friends and acquaintances in the new surroundings. How can I already know this? Because in the middle of the contemporary worship, the sermon was given by a man who recently lost his sister, and he talked about his nephew, a semi-truck driver, who felt the double sting of both loss of his mother and of believing he disappointed both his parents by becoming a truck driver, rather than succumb to the higher worldly hopes that they had for him.

My beloved Carl is a long-distance truck driver himself, so I knew God was saying to us, "Hey - this is a place you can call your worship home."

Carl is normally gone for 2 weeks before returning for a weekend home, so we do not get to see a lot of each other, to say the least. We are in constant daily communication with each other, thanks to the invention of the cell phone (yeah, we're older than those, too, obviously). Because of this, though, I believe we have gained a greater appreciation of each other when we are together, because of the physical distances that his work takes him.

In addition to the wedding, we also got to share family time this weekend. Son Jeremy turned 32 years old today, and we enjoyed ribs and loaded potato cassarole and all the trimmings. Our granddaughter Brianna was here also, so we had most everyone on our twig of the family tree at the house. Daughter Elizabeth is in Salt Lake City, and daughter Allison is in Pittsburgh, so it wasn't a complete family reunion without them, but they both called their brother to congratulate him on his accomplishment! Since Elizabeth lives in SLC, and Allie is living with family in Pittsburgh in between semesters at Thiel College, their home visits are few and far between.

Which brings me to my title, finally. What with the wedding and family get-together and all, I definitely wasn't true to my so-recent calling. I did get 5 workouts completed last week, so I didn't schedule anything for Friday, Saturday, or Sunday in that vein. I won't make that mistake again! Exercise seems to be the cornerstone of my weight loss journey this time around, and I missed it keeping me centered. I had an Italian feast at Frannie's wedding, as well as wedding cake and a little wine. Today, I had a BBQ pig-out, literally, with pork ribs and my family-famous loaded potato casserole, and of course birthday cake.

What did I learn? I had a good time at both events, but the best of the weekend didn't have to do with food. The menus were delicious, but the nourishment they provided was fleeting. I have to eat again the next time around (oh, if I never had to eat again, my problems would be over!). Unfortunately, the obsession and lack of control over food belongs all to me. I didn't prepare most of the food this weekend, but I sampled pretty much all of it. I did prepare the casserole with all the full-calorie ingredients I always have, so as "not to disappoint the kids" - a/k/a me. I can take comfort in the fact that I didn't head back for seconds or thirds, but at the same time I could have been more diligent. My name is Heidi and I am addicted to food. I need to learn to keep food in its proper prospective and treat it like fire - its a good friend, but a destructive enemy.

Do you know the Sun-tzu quote? "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer"? This does not apply to food! Get those enemies out of there! Don't turn your back on your enemy (food). Its kind of like when I fail to keep Christ in the center of my life. When I keep Him in my uppermost thoughts, I am helpful, unselfish, generous, and kind. When I forget about Him and concentrate only on myself, I am lazy, selfish, gluttonous, and petty. I fuss with Carl and give him a difficult time when the very thing I want to do is make him happy to be home, not happy to leave.

I want to be different. Better. More in control of myself and how I handle others and food. I can't control anyone else, now can I?! I'll pray for you for the same things that I am praying for myself. More self control and better treatment of those I love.

"I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me" - Philippians 4:13

Got Any Goals?

2009-07-10T12:53:00.000-07:00

Dear friends in Christ:

I've been thinking about goals, especially since I'll be meeting personal trainer Michelle soon, and I remembered some that I've had in past years, and thought they might provoke some of your own. Few have to do with the numbers on a scale, and they are not in any particular order.

Just visualize:

1. I want my "friendly arms" to become unfriendly. Do you know what I mean? Guys, probably not. Ladies, lift your arm so your elbow is parallel to your shoulder and turn your wrist back and forth in a princess wave. Look at the skin under your upper arm. Does it wave back? That's "friendly arm". My arms are very friendly! I'm voting for Nicole C. Mullen or Michelle Obama upper limbs.

2. I want to cross my legs like a lady. Currently, I look like a burly linebacker when I try it. My knee has to go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup over the other one. Then I have to struggle to keep them that way. Not a pretty sight. I kind of look like a Radio City Music Hall Rockette (oklay, like I ate one for breakfast), only in a chair.

3. I want to be able to remove my wedding band without cutting it or my finger off. Carl: Don't get me wrong, there's no marital changes coming; I just would like to lose enough weight to be ABLE to remove it; not get rid of it forever! Currently, it is imbedded in my ring finger, and even if I could take it off, there'd be absolutely no doubt that I once had a ring there.

4. I want to be able to take a shower without throwing my back out. Umm, let's just say when I twist and turn, sometimes I get a stitch in my side.

5. I want to be able to wear a one-hook bra. I haven't seen one of those around my body since I was about 17 years old.

6. I want to have my picture taken without wanting to hide behind anything. I've used (grand)children, Carl, towels, unfolded newspapers, trees, chairs, tables, and small vehicles. I've also hidden behind my hand. Demonstration: Hold your hand up in the princess wave as above. Then bring it down about 90 degrees with your palm out. Then push your palm toward an invisible camera.

7. I want to be able to get into a rollercoaster seat without praying first. I don't want to RIDE a rollercoaster; I just want to not pray that I fit first!

8. I want to bend over without feeling like the sun was just blocked out. I'm not explaining this one.

9. I want to have just one chin. Does this really need anything else? Maybe one with no hairs growing from it.

Finally,

10. I want to look like a piece of nude artwork. However, not like the one above.

I'm still praying for you; if any of the above disturb you in any way, please pray for me.

God's great peace and love!

Weigh-In Week 1... Now what?

2009-07-09T15:33:00.000-07:00

Starting Weight: 242 pounds
Current Weight: 236 pounds
This week's results: -6 pounds
Total results: -6 pounds

Whoo! First week is already over, and I did pretty well for myself, I think. I worked out 4 days last week, and 4 days this week so far, including Sunday afternoon. I'm making going to the gym as much a regular part of my day as brushing my teeth. If I can keep up the routine, after about a month it should be a habit. Right? I'm really enthusiastic and optimistic. I'm so perky I'm sure my family is ready to slap me silly.

Has the following ever happened to you?

When I'm first working on getting fit, I'm all gung-ho; get out the workout tapes or DVDs, maybe buy a new workout outfit or sneakers, clean out the kitchen cupboards and only stock healthy food in the fridge, that kind of stuff. As I lose weight, I get rid of my fat girl clothes, and smile at everyone each time I leave the house. I have a spring in my step, a song in my heart, and all the cartoon birds and little animals from Snow White accompany me everywhere I go.

A little while down the road, I get more relaxed about everything. I know what my portion sizes should be without measuring (um-hmmm). I don't drink as much water as I should to flush my body of toxins. I don't work out quite so often (okay, truth: I never worked out before!), I end up at Campbell's Dairy Land and order a tin roof sundae instead of the fat-free Dole whip, and I just generally relax my standards all around. 'Cause I KNOW what I'm doing. Then I snap at friends I'm having dinner with when they ask, "Are you gonna order THAT?" I get mad at my husband Carl when he offers suggestions on how I can get back on track. I'm surprised that the losses each week either become a lot less, or I start to gain again. Ultimately, I just give up. I get upset with myself, and then finally I just don't care anymore, and the weight comes back, plus 10 or 15 (okay 50!) pounds for good measure.

I was a member of Weight Watchers at least 7 times, maybe more, and have been very successful. I even earned a 75 pounds lost magnet once, but never reached the coveted lifetime membership, which would have meant I had reached my goal weight. I've been on Physicians Weightloss, I've taken Hoodia, Dexatrim, Alli, and tried all kinds of popular short-term diets (the grapefruit diet, the cabbage soup diet, to name 2).

I've always initially done great. I've always done all the things a good dieter/Weight Watcher is supposed to do. I've been encouraging and inspiring to other people in my group. But, I've always failed. I've always felt bad about myself. I've always quit. I've always regained the weight plus several pounds, and felt even worse than I did before. Sound familiar?

Why is this time going to be different? Well, for several reasons. First, I've made a very public confession of my past sins when it comes to being overweight. I came about a mile out of my comfort zone and proclaimed to anyone who cares to listen that I weigh 242 pounds! ON THE RADIO! I don't DO things like this! I might fail again! I might succeed, and that's just as scary!

The main reason this time is already different, though, is because of Christ. Because of Him, if I do falter and swill that sundae, He's going to whisper in my ear that its okay, that I will do better next time. If I don't go to the gym, He's going to remind me that there's a treadmill on my back porch and I have just enough time left in my day to use it for 30 minutes. When I remember that He never gives up on me, I'm not going to give up on myself either. Well, let's be realistic! I might forget for a time, but I'm sure He's going to put someone in my path that will bring me back to my senses and straighten me back up. If He loves me, then there must be something lovable about me, right?

I want lots of things. I want to reach my goal weight and I want to keep the weight off. I want my doctor to tell me that she's taking me off some of the 7 or 8 prescription drugs I'm currently taking for diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, low thyroid (something's low!?), acid reflux, and anxiety/depression. I want to believe, REALLY believe, Carl when he tells me that I'm beautiful. Heck, I want to believe ANYONE who tells me I'm cute, or attractive, or that I've inspired them to get healthy! I've never believed a physical compliment made to me; can't they see what I do? I want to really look in the mirror at myself as I am and have the mental image of myself and the real one match. For once, I don't want to be disappointed in what I see.

I have a lot to work on, obviously. But I can really see that this time, because of Christ and what He means to me in my life, we're gonna get through it. I even have a person to look to in my own household who has shown me what it takes to do this weight loss thing and be successful. My daughter, Lindsay, lost almost 100 pounds IN BETWEEN BABIES that are 20 months apart in age. She has literally worked her butt off. She is currently training herself for a 5-k race. No one was watching her or encouraging her apart from immediate family, she just did it. In that, I have a distinct advantage. I have a whole boatload of community and A RADIO STATION who are all rooting for me. I'm not worthy, but I'm definitely blessed!

I'm praying for you, dear friend, for whatever struggle it is that you're currently going through, whether its weight, addiction, finances, loneliness, or anything else that is dimming your light at this time, that you will feel Christ's presence in your life and know that He is your support and mainstay even when everything else isn't.

Its time for me to get to the gym. If you see me at the Campo Family YMCA in Brandon, say hi!

Stay posted! My next blog: "Got Any Goals?"

Welcome!

2009-07-08T11:16:00.000-07:00

Heidi Schultz auditioned for NBC's hit show, The Biggest Loser, when they did a casting call in Tampa, June 27, 2009. Realizing she wouldn't make the cut, Heidi had a decision to make: was her journey to a healthy lifestyle going to depend on the show, or was she ready to take personal responsibility to set a goal and pursue it?

That's when she called The Morning Cruise.

This blog is a record of her story and an encouragement for you to consider what one of the producers of the NBC show told contestants: "If you have four hours to stand in line today, you have at least an hour, three times a week, to hit the gym!" Heidi took his challenge to heart and decided not only to help herself, but also to inspire others. Please visit often to see how she's doing.

Most of the time, Heidi will be doing her own posts, but The Morning Cruise will also update this blog with resources, video and audio from our show.

Listen to these mp3 audio files from our first meeting with Heidi, learn her background and her story, and hear the surprises we had in store for her:

Meet Michelle, the fitness instructor who felt called to help: Click here to listen to her call.