Standing Still...Still Standing? Weigh-In Week 16

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 210 lbs
This Week's Results: 0 lbs
Total Results: -32 lbs

"Be still and know that I am God" - Psalms 46:10

The yoga pose you see is a real pose - Mountain pose or Tadasana. Looks like she's just standing there, right? Nope.

Bill Martin of The Joy FM's Morning Cruise has gotten into a high-powered exercise/yoga program - is it BMX KX20? Whatever! I know its a bike, but I never remember the name of the actual program. Yesterday, Bill used a website to show a position that listeners had to name to win some concert tickets. I found the website and signed on to get their "pose of the day". This was today's.

It made me grin, for sure, when I first saw the picture. Haven't I been STANDING around most of my life? Apparently, I've been doing it incorrectly the entire time. Who'd a thunk it? According to http://yoga.about.com/od/yogaposes/a/tadasana.htm there are 9 (count 'em!) steps to standing correctly in the Mountain pose. In my head, I hear "tadasana" sounding like "Tah-DAH! Sauna!"

What looks idiot-proof on the surface is actually more complex than one might initially think. You can read all the steps for the pose on the website if you like, but the main thing that stopped me smirking and got me thinking was this comment: "... bringing the body into alignment is hard work. The alignment for Tadasana carries in to many of the standing and inverted poses." This is also the first pose used in correcting back pain and involves every body part.

I didn't lose any weight this week. On the face of having gained last week, I'm pleased as anything. Oh, it looks like I'm standing still again, but actually I feel like I'm still standing! I am okay with this because I know I've kept to my nutrition plan, and I've been exercising as well as or better than I have in previous weeks. I also learned that beating yourself up over past mistakes is self-indulgent, and actually can "help" give you permission to do it again! "Oh, I'm such a failure, why even try? I'm just gonna mess up again." Don't fall into the trap of temptation to be a martyr!

My attitude is "do everything you can to achieve the results you want, and God'll take care of the rest."

I think the Mountain pose is a lot like life as Christians. From the outside we look like we are just standing there, doing nothing, with all the problems of the world, our country, our community, and our family on our backs. But we are led by Christ to be flexing our muscles, balancing, using our strength to help feed others, encourage others, and even inspire others. Oh, we're gonna fail spectacularly at it, too! Being the body of Christ is hard work and full of challenges, and bringing that body into alignment is a constant battle against the rest of the world.

But the important thing to remember and hold onto when we do fail is that we have the safest net to fall into - the arms of Christ. As Psalm 103:12 and Mark Hall of Casting Crowns promises, our sins are fogiven as far as the east is from the west. From one scarred Hand to the other. AMEN! Thank you, Jesus!

I'm gonna go and practice the Mountain pose now... how 'bout you? Ta-DAH! Sauna!

Weigh In Week 15 - "The Light"

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 210 lbs
This week's results: +3 lbs
Total results: -32 lbs

I so fervently hope that you might see elements of yourself in my following comments, and that you bring them into the light where you can examine them, and get on with your struggle!

... I gained weight this week - the first time since I began my latest attempt to be healthy and take control of myself... not too bad. I knew early on in my attempts that this was going to happen to me; it happens to everybody... falling down.

We all fail. We all fall so incredibly short of the goals that Christ would have us set for ourselves. That's our human-ness. Its also all too human to try to mask those shortcomings. I've delayed sending in this blog because I felt like such a failure to myself, and to the people who have been praying for me and for my getting better.

Bring your troubles into the light, where you can see them for what they are. Carmen talked this morning about having the beejeebers scared out of her by a coiled up hose in her family recycling bin - in her darkened garage, she thought the hose was a snake and probably woke the neighborhood with her shrieks - again. I can so relate to her story! I've been hiding behind myself for so long that it is hard to break the habit. Instead of talking about it, I've been isolating myself.

I'm so afraid of failing that its easier to quit. Its easier to just stop and say its too hard. That I tried but I just can't do it anymore. That losing 30-odd pounds is enough. But it isn't too hard! I've been doing so well! I know what I'm supposed to be doing! I have only a few more weeks before the Casting Crowns concert and people will see my progress thus far. I'm so NOT finished getting healthy with the end of the concert, but I can look back with pride in a job well done to this point. AND thank God for all He has done to show me the way. And ask Him to continue to guide me in all I'm trying to do.

In his book, Your Own Jesus, Mark Hall has a Discussion Guide at the end. He talks about "Stuck" on page 205 - How does my life reveal what I believe about God? I can't answer that yet, because when I think about that question, all I come up with is what I WANT my life to reveal about my faith in Him. I want to glorify Him in all I do, but I cheat on working out, on getting healthy, and even on continuing my search for work. I delay what I should be doing, and instead do the very things I know will sabotage myself.

I know I am not alone in this, man has struggled with his human self versus his higher purposes for as long as time itself. Paul says in Romans 7, starting at verse 21,

I find therefore the law of my nature to be that when I desire to do what is right, evil is lying in ambush for me. For in my inmost self all my sympathy is with the Law of God; but I discover within me a different Law at war with the Law of my understanding, and leading me captive to the Law which is everywhere at work in my body--the Law of sin. Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Thank you, so much, Lord for Your goodness, grace, and mercy! Without You, we are wretched, criminal, base, and condemned forever to death. Because of Your sacrifice, we are Your children, uplifted, forgiven, and forever cleansed from our sinful selves.

What kind of parents would we be, that when our children falter and fail, that we withdraw our love from them? We can't fix our kids (believe me!), but we can love them, pray for them, and be there for them when they call out to us. And God, being the Father of us all, does even so much more for us, His children, when we call on Him.

So... LIGHT! Christ is the Light of the world, and we who follow Him will have eternal life in the Light and never walk in darkness again (John 8:12). Bring your failings out into the Light of Christ, where you can see them, pray about them, talk about them, and get on with fixing them!

Weigh-In Week 14 - "Becoming Visible"

Starting Weight: 242 lbs
Current Weight: 207 lbs
This Week's Results: -4 lbs
Total Results: -34 lbs



I went to the grocery store yesterday afternoon. I don't dress up for this, although I like grocery shopping, but yesterday I was particularly "dressed down" - I had on workout clothes - sneakers, bandanna folded up like a sweatband on my head, no makeup, the whole nine yards.

Thus attired, I wended my way through the store, and finally I entered the produce area and picked up what I needed, and started towards the cash registers. As I rounded the corner near the Latin produce, a man about my age started speaking to me in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish except in mainly food terms (go figure!), and I told him so. He laughed, and said, "You don't speak Spanish?" and we started talking together in English. He introduced himself, I introduced myself, and he told me he had been looking at the plantains for a meal he was cooking that night. We talked about Latin food for a little bit, his homeland of Puerto Rico, my childhood in the shadow of Ybor City; a nice little conversation, and then he asked me if I was married.

He asked me if I was married! This guy was actually approaching me to... ask me for a date? Invite me to his home-cooked dinner? I stammered around a little bit and eventually held up my left hand with the wedding ring on it. He expressed some tactful disappointment or other, and told me I was "looking good." I wasn't fully listening to him at that point, because I was quietly (I hope) freaking out. I thanked him, told him to have a nice day, and we parted company.

I giggled to myself through checkout, the parking lot, and when I called Carl to let him know someone had tried to pick me up. I haven't had that happen to me in quite some time, obviously, given my "smooth" reaction.

I'm becoming visible to other people, but I don't think its because I've lost weight - its because I feel better about myself. Because of that, I don't avoid eye contact when someone catches my eye. I have more interest in other people, and I think that reflects on my "aura" or whatever it is, and I have become more approachable.

It still freaked me out, obviously! I'm going to have to get used to this.

I'd like to think that maybe he saw something of Christ inside me. Maybe I was approachable for him because what I saw in him was another child of God who was simply making conversation. I wasn't being predatory; neither was he. So after I got over my giggle-fit I just prayed for him, that if he was looking for another person to connect with, to share a meal or a cup of coffee or friendship, I hope he finds it. Because he was a nice guy, he was respectful and funny, and he treated me like a person, not a target.

Make yourself approachable to someone today. You never know how much you might be brightening their day by a few simple kind words.

"Taking Measure(ment)s"

From July 13, 2009 to October 13, 2009:

Chest: 44.13 inches/42.5 inches; -1.63 inches

Waist: 41 inches/39 inches; -2 inches

Hips: 52.75 inches/49 inches; -3.75 inches

Bicep: 18 inches/16.75 inches; -1.25 inches

Michelle, Shapes' most amazing, wonderful personal trainer in the whole wide world (I'm given to over-using superlatives, but in Michelle's case, they're well deserved), took all my measurements when I met with her Monday night, and I actually remembered to ask her for the results so I could post them. If you're in the midst of getting healthy, and you haven't already done so, take some measurements and keep track of them. They will surprise you, especially during weeks where you don't feel you've lost enough weight, or it isn't coming off as fast as you might like (there are healthy guidlines for how much weight you should lose - check out www.sparkpeople.com for free help on exercise, nutrition, goals, and so on!).

I've done really well in whittling myself down, and I've improved in other areas as well. I have better balance, better stamina, better posture, less back or leg pain, more self-confidence, and an overall better attitude about almost everything!

I've gone from a lean mass of 145.48 pounds and fat mass of 97.52 pounds, with a body fat percentage of 40.13, to a lean mass of 134.98 pounds, with a fat mass of 77.92 pounds, and a body fat percentage of 36.60. I've dropped lean mass of almost 10%, fat mass is down almost 8%, and my body fat percentage is down almost 10%. I've lost over 12% of my starting weight. I have a way to go, of course, but I kind of feel like I'm entering the home stretch.

This is where I begin to endanger my struggle, and get lazy. Like so many others, I am a master at sabotaging myself. I've been slacking off on exercise, not getting to the gym or just exercising at home at least 4 days of 7. I haven't been keeping track of my nutrition, which means I might be shorting myself on some key elements like protein or carbohydrates. I haven't really fallen off the wagon with eating really bad food, but how would I know for certain, if I'm not keeping track? Faded ink is stronger than a "convenient" memory. I'm not drinking as much water as I know is healthy for me. All of these can have some bad effects, to say the least, the most important being weight gain and increased depression.

I didn't stop doing EVERYTHING in one day; and I didn't stop doing what I was doing all at once. When I'm slipping slowly down that slope, I don't even notice what I'm (not) doing; not all at once. Its like realizing that I'm addicted to food - it simply never occurred to me, because I wasn't facing the truth. I think its the same for everyone, regardless of whatever discipline we're trying to master. Mark Hall of Casting Crowns says it best in "Slow Fade" I think, where he says:

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

I know Mark's talking about something here way more serious and sinister than me keeping to a healthy regimen, but the same principle applies and the decline is no less destructive... The lines blur, and the discipline you used to keep out of the fridge, to get in the gym or out on the hiking trail is the very same as compromising your principles, or taking just a little peek at pornography, or engaging in vicious gossip, or feeling superior to someone else because you've "got God"... when we love the Lord, we've got to marshal ourselves and keep to the proper paths. When self-discipline fails, everything else around us begins to deteriorate.

So! Time to catch myself up by my bootstraps and go on as I intend to continue. My favorite fictional childhood heroine, Anne Shirley, said that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet, and I'm taking that thought to heart and making her "tomorrow" my "today."

My prayer for you, dearest ones, is that you keep your eyes on the horizon and your heart on the Lord. He calls us all out of our safe little boats and invites us to walk with him (reference to another Casting Crowns song, I just can't help it), and face our fears. It ain't easy, but He didn't promise it would be. He promised to be with us always, to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20). I'm sure counting on that.

In the meantime, its time for me to get to the gym.

Time Passages - Weigh-In Week 13

Starting Weight: 242 lbs

Current Weight: 211 lbs

This Week's Results: -2 lbs

Total Results: -31 lbs

My Dad Carl and Mom Joyce ==>

circa 1996

So many things happened this month already... October 2 was the 11th anniversary of my Dad dying of cancer. October 1 was my aunt Janet's turn to see the Lord face to face, finally laying down her long battle against cancer.

Its kind of weird, how time passes. It seems to telescope in and out for me all the time. Eleven years Daddy's been gone, but sometimes it still seems so fresh. I feel like I was just getting to know him as a person, rather than the complicated personage I always recall from my childhood.

Growing up, the five of us kids two aunts, Janet, and Joan, my mom Joyce's sisters. Daddy was an only child, so no aunts or uncles there, but his dad had 4 younger sisters, Lillian, Marion, Margaret, and Evelyn; and a baby brother, Ralph; so we had lots of great-aunts and uncles. There are something like 70 Boettger relatives in our family tree, and that's the siblings starting with Pop-Pop, or Carl, Sr., his siblings, their spouses, nieces and nephews, my Daddy and his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren.

Mom is the oldest of the three girls, then Janet, and Joan was the baby. I think I get my sardonic sense of humor from Mom's side of the family, and Aunt Janet was the queen! Mom is a much nicer person, like Aunt Joanie, but Aunt Janet always got her little zingers in on her sisters as well as Grandma and my great Aunt Florence, which cracked me up. Grandma and Aunt Florence were sisters, and Aunt Florence lived with Grandma and Gramps from the time they married, I think.

Daddy grew up in Ridley Park, which is 15 miles south of Philadelphia, and Mom moved there from Tower City, Pennsylvania, when she was 12 years old. They were NOT high school sweethearts until senior year, because Mom said Daddy was really annoying.

But I digress. Aunt Janet graduated from Drexel University in 1958 with a degree in home economics and education, I think. She returned to college and earned a degree in Medical Technology from Our Lady of Angels in 1981. She lived in Delaware after marrying Uncle Jim, in the same house in Claymont, until she died. She was a medical technologist at Chester County Hospital until 2006 when she had to retire due to her health. She also volunteered at DuPont Hospital, swam almost daily, played bridge, and traveled. Boy, did Aunt Janet travel! She and Uncle Jim lived in Turkey during the early 70s with their children, Jaime and Jennifer, while Uncle Jim, an engineer, helped to build oil refineries. She went to Egypt, Asia, Europe, all over the world.

We didn't get to see much of our Northerner relatives, but when we did it was like we'd always been together. I saw my first ever fireflies at Aunt Janet's house. I remember running around the yard gathering them up and putting them in a Mason jar with Jaime and my sister Amy, and then releasing them in the bedroom at night. What a cool thing to see, blinking little lights in the jar, and then witnessing them softly rise out of the jar and take over the whole room! I think we did the same thing another time, but with baby frogs, when they came to visit us in Tampa.

I really miss my Dad, and I'm already feeling the loss of Aunt Janet's presence in my life, but there's a huge caveat to those emotions. BUT! Daddy and Janet were both devout Christians, believing in the grace that the Lord extends to everyone who believes in Him, all of their lives. The best thing about being a Christian is knowing with all your being that death is not the "forever and forever" end.

When we go to Heaven, I hope we get to continue to have a window in on our loved ones, to see how they're doing without us. If so, I'm sure Daddy is very amused by his great-grandchildren as they are born and grow teeth, and learn to crawl and walk, and speak, and develop their little personalities. I'll bet he whispers in Pierson's ear at 3:00 a.m. that what he really wants to do is wake up and make his parents play with him until the alarm goes off. I'd also be willing to bet that he is the one who is enticing Phoebe to act like a crazy child at bedtime.

Here's my prayer for the week. Please, if you have a dispute with someone you love, patch up your differences. Love on them, tell them you're sorry, or let them apologize to you, and mend those bridges, or at least try. You can't control how someone else will react, but you can extend the olive branch. We know neither the day nor the time when we won't get a second chance to fix things.

...Maybe my next entry will be about weight loss!